I am in Love With a Boy, Manufactured to Destroy

When Jayson and I got married Jayson's career goal was to be a high school Physics and Chemistry teacher. Along with that were things like real estate and owning his own business, so that he could make more money to support a family.

Then, last December he decided to change his major to Computer Engineering. I thought for sure this was the best switch for him. He was loving his classes and it was the kind of stuff that he would study in his free time anyway.

He's just had hard time figuring out exactly what he wants to do. The problem was always the same. Jayson wants to do it ALL. He's interested in EVERYTHING. While this is not condusive for choosing a major or planning out our live (but seriously...how well does planning out life go anyway?), this has always been one of my favorite things about him. He is so curious and fascinated by EVERYTHING. This is a constant reminder to me of how valuable learning and knowledge is.

Well, good news. He's figured it out.

This summer Jayson started working for the company my dad works for doing some interior construction. Then in the middle of July he started working for his dad, who owns a demolition and a concrete crushing business. Then, out of the blue, or so it seemed ot me at the time, he decided that he would be happier not having a desk job. So, naturally, that whole computer engineering thing kind of went out the window. He decided that he really loves to work with his hands. After talking to him more about it I came to realize that this was not out of the blue. This idea had been stewing in his head for weeks. Of course, he knew he was really loving it over the summer, but his biggest worry was whether or not he'd love it in the years to come...

So, after much thought, information gathering, taking with his dad, and of course prayer Jayson decided that he's going to go into the family business!!!!

So, does this mean the Kims are done with school?

It sure does. Done. Finished. Flown the Coop. We are out of there.
For now anyway.

I know, I know, you're probably thinking..."WHAT?!! THAT'S CRAZY!"

But, hear me out.

This makes sense for us. We are now going to have a higher and steadier income. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not totally opposed and much to good for the the poor college life. The poor college life is all fine and dandy, and we really didn't mind it. However, as you may have gathered from a previous post, my eggs are more than likely not going to be very good at forming babies. I have the same genetic translocation as my mom, and it took her FIVE years of trying to have me. Since we'd like to have more than two children and I'd really like to be done having children by the time I'm about 35, the odds are already not in ourfavor. Therefore, we feel a push to not put off trying to have children and word on the street is, they're not cheap. We have also thought a lot about adoption. LDS family services allows you to start the adoption process after two years of marriage, which is quickly approaching for us. We have spent hours, days, even weeks of planning and trying to figure out how we'd ever be able to afford it and how we could get established sooner so that we could have that option. We figured that no one in their right mind would allow us to adopt their baby with the income we had...at least I know I wouldn't. Computer Engineering was looking grim. It was going to still take him AT LEAST until fall of '13 to graduate because of prerequisites and the semesters they would be taught in and the way they were laid out. So, presto. This was a great answer to our prayers and we are SO grateful for it. Plus, it turns out that after a couple of promotions Jayson will be making just as much as a computer engineer anyway. So...more money now and later instead of just later? Yes, please.

Not only does it make the most sense for us, but it's what he wants to do. Remember how he loves learning? He's already learning mountains of things and has so much more to learn. He wants to involved in all aspects, the office, the business, the hard labor...everything. Needless to say..he is stoked. He's already started reading textbooks about different things that will help him.
Plus, most importantly of all, we feel really good about it. We have come to realize how so many little revelations have led us to this one little reveltion. Seemingly unrelated when they first happened, so many of our decisions were leading us straight to this one.

Personally, I just want him to do what make him happy. Well, ok...and I'm super glad he's made up his mind.

Life is good to us.

When I grow up.....

Remember that one time that I posted that incredibly long explaination of what I want to do with my degree/future degrees? I talked about attachment theory, its affects on adopted children, and wanting to educate people about it?
Well, believe it or not, this job actually exists.

When you adopt from LDS family services you have to take series of class before hand. I want to be the person who teaches those classes.

The end.

New Discoveries and My "Official Statement"

I have made three very important discoveries as of late.
Number one:
I have discovered the Avatar TV series from Nickelodeon. I don't know how I've never seen this before. I used to be an avid Nickelodeon watcher. This all started with my nephews. They got a hold of it somehow and loved it. Their mom (Jayson's oldest sister) loved it. Two of his other sister watched it while babysitting the newphews. They loved. Jayson's brother loved it. So, Jayson decided to see what this was all about and checked some episodes out on youtube. He loved it. He went to the library to check out the first disc of the series. Now, I've never been a huge anime fan, but I decided to watch it with him just to humor him. I loved it. I'm addicted, which is part of the reason I'm so ridiculously behind on my homework. If you haven't seen this, I urge you to do so. I would most definatley be a water bender.

Number two:
Bob Marley. I've heard him before, but today while doing research (yes, today I chose homework instead of Avatar, good job Karissa.) he came on my Jack Johnson station on Pandora. I just love the way his music just takes me to relaxing on the beach. Thank you for the much needed vacation, Mr. Marley.

Number three:
This one is actually serious. Prepare yourself, this might take a long time to explain.
Graduation is drawing near for me, and just like everyone else, some of you may be wondering what I plan to do with my life after I graduate. Well, I will tell you.

First off, you have to ask the right question. If you ask," Karissa, what are you going to do after you graduate?"
I generally reply with a great conversational damper like, "I don't know."
Am I going try to miraculously find a job that you can do in my field that only requires a bachelor's degree? Maybe. Am I going to have babies? Maybe. Am I going to stay at the job I have and pick up more hours? Maybe. Will I splurge on a trip to Disneyland? Maybe.
Your guess is as good as mine.

Now if you ask me, "Karissa, what are you going to do with your education after you graduate?"
You'd probably be sitting with me while I anwered you for an hour saying something like this:

A couple of Sundays ago Jayson and I were sitting at our table eating lunch and talking about how we just discovered that one of our sunbeams and his brother were adopted. We figured he must have been adopted later in life than in infancy because his baby brother was adopted along with him. Being the psychology major and family consumer and human development (FCHD) minor that I am, I started to think about the attachment theory developed by a man named John Bowlby. This theory is a pretty big deal. It's talked about in every FCHD class I've ever taken and in a couple of my psychology classes. Every time it's brought up ever instructor emphasizes it and its importance. Last semester my Child Guidance professor said roughly these words, "If you take nothing else from this class to helping you in parenting, be SURE to develop this attachment with your baby."
In essence, this theory is about the attachment that an infant makes to their primary caregiver in the first year of life. If a secure attachment is not developed, it can lead to a number of emotional and social development problems. Many researchers are beginning to say that these problems can last throughout a life and can be difficult to correct. A secure attachment is developed through sensitiveness and responsiveness. So, babies need love and they need to know that if they cry and need something that someone will get it for them. Just think of not being able to do anything for yourself. How would you feel if you cried out and no one seemed to ever hear? You couldn't get what you needed, and there is no other way to get it but for someone to respond to you. Or, what if someone only responds half of the time? Resentment towards others? Learned helplessness? I think so. It only makes sense that these feeling could easily turn into emotional and social developmental problems.
So, (back to the table with Jayson and me) I got to wondering, did our little sunbeam develop that secure attachment? He is the hardest of the children to handle and doesn't cooperate as the others do. He seems to just want to lead, but doesn't have a great realization of how his actions affect others. Or, maybe that's just his personality and he's too young to understand those things yet. I don't know. Perhaps I never will. Maybe it doesn't matter. What matters is that he is important to me. I want to help him anyway I can. He has so much potential, I see glimmers of it. He is attached to his adopted mother, that is pretty obvious and she had done wonders for him. That means there is so much hope for children adopted later in age. Then it came to me like a flash of light. THAT'S IT! That's what I want to study. That's what I want to do with my education.
Last semester Jayson gave me a priesthood blessing and in that blessing he said that Heavenly Father would help me to know what direction to continue to pursue with my education. All semester I listened. I wondered. I loved my child guidance class, but nothing solid seemed to come. I knew from that class more than ever that I want to be a mother. That is my main goal. That class verified it. I've had so many spiritual experiences with this notion that I cannot doubt it. I feel that it is a huge part of why I'm here on this earth. I also had random moment where I'd picture myself instructing people. Weird. I had never really thought about teaching before. I've also thought very seriously about working with adoption somehow. Then, at that very moment, at the table with Jayson it all came together. Foster care. Adoption. Teaching. Motherhood. This brought the whole meaning of line up on line, precept upon precept to light.
I want to study into attachment. I want to help find ways to aid children that don't get that attachment in the first year of their life. I want to help them to overcome the challenges that come with that. I also want to educate. I want to educate parents who plan to adopt and/or become foster parents on how they can best help their children to form such an attachment or to help them to develop normally if they already didn't get the chance. I also want to educate the general public on parenting, attachment being one of the many things I'd like to teach. Don't you see how they all come together? Notice how they all come back to one thing: motherhood. I want to be one. I want to do anything I can to help mothers around the world.
I am also considering being a foster parent myself. I still haven't assessed whether or not I'd be up to such a challenging situation. I have thought about adopting children nearly all of my life. It all comes together.
Now you probably see why it took me four years to figure that one out.

How and when am I going to do that? That is the part I still haven't figured out yet. I will most likely go to grad school. When I don't know. I only know two things for sure: 1. Having children is my top priority right now. I do not know if I could have babies and go to grad school at the same time. I have a hard enough time getting everything done right now as it is. 2. Grad school would be a bad life choice right now anyway. I need a serious break from school. I said before, I love learning, but I am still incredibly burnt out.

And that is my official "What I'm doing after I graduate" statment.

For those of you who made it through that,
Thanks.

Full Steam Ahead!

Thanksgiving was wonderful. It turned out even better than we thought, we were actually able to go visit all three of our families without it being a hassle at all. First stop was my dad's where there was great food and a strange, but wonderful array of people. At his house it's never about who's blood or even legally related. Everyone that has a place in our hearts is family and is welcome. I love it! Then we went to my mom's. It was great to see my step-sisters. I don't get to see them too often and I love it when I do. My Uncle Jason and Aunt Kristen were also there with their two boys, who I don't think I've seen in like a year!
Last, but not least we stopped by the Kims. They had dinner at 2, but it was about 7 at night and almost everyone was still there....and more came, even after us. Jayson's mom's side of the family is very close and it's always so much fun to be there when they all get together, I absolutely love it.
So, our Thanksgiving was basically perfect.

December sure is going to be quite the month!!
First, there's the end of the semester push...which means every class wants a paper in and they want it now. We'll see how that goes.
It also means....Finals are just around the corner...AHHHHH. But, by December 9th both Jayson and I will be completely done with the semester! Plus, our Christmas break is AN ENTIRE MONTH LONG! a break that will be much needed.
Then, just a few days after finals we'll make the big move.
And...GOOD NEWS!

WE FINALLY FOUND AN APARTMENT!
We were getting a little worried (well, mostly I was getting a little worried) because yesterday we realized it would be exactly two weeks until we moved and we didn't have a place to move into. I figured we'd being staying with one of our parents until we found one, but PRESTO! We went apartment searching and we found an awesome deal quite close to campus. We'll be living in another basement with another very small stove. However, the kitchen is bigger (of course, I can't imagine a smaller one) and we're pretty stoked about it. The kitchen also has some very retro floor that I'm pretty fond of. It's also got two bedrooms, which is another step-up. Also, even though it's a basement, it's actually got really great lighting in the front room and the main bedroom is HUGE! It's very cozy looking too...needless to say, we're both pretty excited about it. Then after we move out and in it will be just a week until our anniversary! We're going to dinner and then staying at a bed and breakfast....although what bed and breakfast and where we're going to dinner is a suprise to me. Exactly one week after our anniversary is my favorite holiday of all time, Christmas!! I love everything about it. I love celebrating the birth of our dear Savior, the music, the feeling that it brings, the spirit of service in the air, the hot chocolate, the beautiful lights, the decorations, and spending time with family. It's going to be a very crazy, but very awesome month!

In other news, Jayson has decided to change his major to Computer Engineering. He has been building a website as of late where he teaches Spanish by video. I won't give out the link yet because it's still, "under construction", But we're pretty hopeful and excited about it. He hopes to have it up and running in the next few weeks, so we hope everyone will check it out! Anyway, because of this website he's been really learning a lot and enjoying working with computers. He's still going to minor in Physics because still wants to teach it eventually, but he might take a few detours on the way so that our only income in the future isn't just from him being a school teacher.

And there you have it!

Change of Life Plans...ready...GO.

This week we've had a great change of life plans, and we're pretty excited about them...

As of right now, Jayson has been working on a major that basically splits three majors into one: physics, chemistry, and teaching. He began to realize that splitting a major among three doesn't give a whole lot of chance to get deep into any one of them.

Then, one beautiful day we were eating our lunch outside and who should walk by but our friends, fellow ward members, and dance instructors...The Eimans. They are doing a program called Teach For America and are moving in just a couple of weeks. They began to tell us about it..

Basically, the program is a two-year program where any one with a bachelor's degree can apply. You go and teach at an inner-city school where they are in need of good teachers to help children in low socioeconomic status families. You stay for two years, you get paid a regular teaching salary according to which state you live in, they give you a master's degree in teaching and they pay for it, and you are teaching certified by the end. After hearing about this, Jayson became increasingly interested. One of my best friends, Marni, happened to be sitting there with us and she said it sounds like a great idea because her husband is doing student teaching this year and she was telling us about how difficult it is because it's hard to work during that time, as it's like having a job, except you don't get paid.

So, we researched and thought and thought and pondered and prayed about it. Jayson realized he could do a double major in chemistry and physics and then do this program. That way he'd get the best of everything! no unpaid student teaching, he gets to go deeper into his majors, he gets great teaching experience, and it's for a really great cause.

Our conclusion: we feel great about it, so Jayson is doing it! We're both really stoked about it. There are about fifteen or so cities that we could end up going to, so it will be incredibly exciting to find out where they'll send us!

Personally, I'm hoping for Honolulu, but I'm really just excited for anywhere! It's going to be a great adventure.

Also, because we're going to be away from our family for a couple of years, we decided that after I graduate we're moving back to the Salt Lake area and Jayson is going to transfer to the U to finish off. This is also especially great because They have amazing science programs!

So, that is our new, near-future plan.

Unemployed and the Future

Tuesday was my last day of baking. I left with many mixed feelings. I truly love my job. However, the hours were killing me, my relationship with my friends, my school work, etc. My grades were seriously hurting, and these week I've completely rocked all of my tests as of late. I also started working out again! (which actually didn't last too long, as I've become rathere ill, but am feeling much better). I also am really going to miss my work friends and the free food. So, the plan is to remain unemployed until summer comes so I can finish off the semester strong. Do not worry though, despite the poor, young, married, student persona, we will surely have enough money to get us through until May, and then some.

As for plans for the future....
It has recently dawned on me that I am graduating in a year from now. I just realized I could do it! I don't know how it happened. For almost my entire college career I thought I'd have to do at least one extra semester in order to graduate on time, and I don't. I am, however, doing one summer semester this coming summer, but I'm only taking two classes. I'm opting to do this so as to not cram every cass I need into my last two semesters. When I first realized I was graduating next spring I became incredibly excited. However, now that I've been thinking about it the past few days, I'm almost disapointed. There are so many more classes that I want to take that I'm not going to be able to. There are classes in my major and minor like Neglect and Abuse, Adolesence, Health Psychology, to name a few. There are also classes that have nothing to do with my major, such as, Greek History, Perspectives in Literature, Child Literature, Sculpting, Painting...to name a few. I also really want to learn Spanish, but Jayson can help me with that. Don't get me wrong, I've taken many classes that didn't have to do with my major so I could get a lot of different things out of my education. So, now, I have come to a cross roads. Part of me so badly want to be done with college, and it's very thrilling that I'm finally graduating...and on time! Another part of me is being persuaded to just stay for one more semester and take some more great classes. What to do, what to do.

One thing that is for sure, I am so excited for the upcoming summer. Even though I'll be in school and most likely working part time, the summer is sure to be full of sunshine, great friend time, and some great family trips.