The Death of an Exterior Decorator and Other Summer Happenings

It must be Summer, as I haven't blogged in over a month.

This Summer I had great dreams for my yard. My front yard flower beds were going to be covered in pretty flowers and bushes. I was going to get a cement pad for a patio in the back yard. I was going to have a nice vegetable and spice garden, our backyard was going to be level, I was going to have a fence around it, we were going to fill our side yard with gravel, and I was going to grow so many pumpkins.

What has actually happened so far:

• I planted some flowers, most of which have died. I planted some lilies that never came up. I do have a little sunflower that is about four inches tall so far and my sweet alyssum (which happens to smell like urine if you get really close) is thriving and well. The roses I planted last year bloomed again, but they were promptly trampled by something, along with another little tiny sunflower plant. One of the rose bushes has survived, but I think the other is toast. The pretty flower I got for mother's day at church struggled, but it keeps holding on and it's actually looking really pretty now, so there's that. The lilies I planted yesterday came back up as well and the stems are looking very healthy and hardy, but it has yet to actually produce any lilies. There are many buds, but they've been there for weeks and refuse to open. I like to think that they are waiting for something special. Because, you know, sometimes flowers are much more in tune with what's going on in life than people. 
• As for the veggie and spice garden, our yard still has yet to get leveled all the way and thus the place we were going to put our garden is still under construction. I had already started growing parsley, oregano, basil, and a tomato plant in my house, which I intended to plant outside, but they have all since died. The oregano never actually grew, the parsley got wilty after we were gone to Bear Lake for a long 4th of July weekend, so I threw it away. I mean, I probably could have revived it, but what do you even do with parsley? I think I used it once in the for or so months it sat in my window. My basil grew really well and it got really tall. I even contemplated writing a story called "Karissa and the Magic Basil Stock", but I thought better of it. It got little flowers on the top of it, which were quite pretty. I'm not sure if you're supposed to let them flower, but I did anyway because I was curious. And then I was gone to girl's camp and the plant got too big for it's little pot and I didn't know what else to do with it, so I cut it down. The tomato plant is now in a bigger pot outside, but still has yet to produce any tomatoes. 
• So, as I said, no veggie garden for me, but I swore I would grow pumpkins and I shall! I was quite depressed when the time for planting came and went and I had no garden place, so I planted pumpkins in my front yard. The tallest one is only about six inches tall at the moment and the smaller ones keep dying off, but hey, we still have until fall for it to grow actual pumpkins, right? My greatest desire of growing plants is to grow some lovely pumpkins. If nothing else blooms please let there be pumpkins! 
• Also, there is still no more fence than what we started with in the Spring. 
• And our side yard is half way full of gravel, so at least we got half way on that one. 

I will not lie, I have been quite distraught and discouraged about the whole thing and every time I see my dying flowers and weed filled flower beds and lawn, or my neighbor's lovely yards I get pretty sad. 

Next year you guys. Next year.

But, besides my great failure as a gardener Summer has been really lovely. Well, and despite that one week where it was like 103 degrees everyday! Please let that never happen again. 

Here's a little taste via photos of what my Summer has looked like:

Jayson grew a beard for about a month and I loved that ginger beard with my whole heart! But Jayson said was too itchy and shaved it off. 

We had these lovely people over to celebrate the Summer Solstice with some good grilled hot dogs and corn (my favorite Summer dinner). When the first day of Summer is on a Friday, it's special.

And we also babysat these cute kiddos and blew bubbles.

I love her face.

Jayson the great teacher

I just can't get over how cute this is.

Also, one day Ruby decided to eat some of the gigantic mountain sized dandelions we have in our back yard.

I also got to go to the zoo with all of our cute nieces and nephews on Jayson's side. It was so lovely. I haven't been to the zoo for ages. My favorite part was when I was holding little Henry by the seals and he was watching, smiling, and pointing at them in awe. 

This girl makes the best faces!

I can't get enough of Kenna's hat. She's so precious.

This kid sat on the polar bear and just looked at me and smiled like, "take my picture please!" This kid is basically me when I was little.

The twin cousins, Jayden and Henry.

Sammy is a stud.

We got to go to Bear Lake for the 4th of July and it was wonderful, as always.

Jayson is making a grumpy face because I took a picture of him reading a text book about lawns, which we were all teasing him about doing. Because, I mean, seriously. Who does that on vacation?

Henry and his cute face.

Ha! This one kills me.

I've been re-reading the Harry Potter series this Summer and it's been such a delight. There's really nothing better than reading by the lake.

I'm a sucker for a good harbor.

I also got to go to girl's camp with the lovely young women in our ward and some of the amazing leaders that I serve with. It was so wonderful. I just love these girls to pieces. 

Two of my best friends Marni and Sarah also came to visit this Summer and it was so wonderful to have them here. It was so much fun to get together with them and the other girl's. This girl time was much needed for my sanity, but alas, I did not get any pictures of any of any of the time we were together because I was enjoying myself way too much.

So, that is our Summer thus far. 

On Growing Things

Apparently it just so happens to be Nation Infertility Awareness Week. 

I know, I know. It seems like there's an awareness week for everything these days, am I right?! But, since this one is near and dear to my heart I've decided to create some awareness, via this blog.

I know sometimes talk of infertility makes people uncomfortable, but can I just tell you that it's my favorite? I know, it's the weirdest thing. But, seriously. I will talk your ear off about it any day, any time. While it is one of the hardest things I've ever gone through it's also become a big part of me and I'm oddly in love with that part of me. Now, don't be confused. I'm definitely not in love with the fact that I'm infertile. But, I do love the person this trial has helped me become. I do love the fact that because of it I'm privileged to connect with so many wonderful, strong, amazing, and beautiful people. I'm glad that I get a little taste of what it feels like to be different from those around you and to be able to realize that different isn't always bad. It's just different. Infertility has created a fiery passion in me for womanhood, motherhood, adoption, foster care, the importance of families, and a love of children. 

Do you remember how I unknowingly wrote this post during infertility week last year? Ok, you probably didn't know that. But, man. That was one of my favorite posts to write. I could probably write a post about infertility at least every week (and I would probably enjoy it), but I figure people probably don't actually want to read my posts about it that much.

But, I am going to take advantage of this week and post one. Because I want to.

So, anyway. Growing things.

In my Sophomore year at Utah State I took an introduction to horticulture class. During that class we actually got to have some hands on experience in the green house on campus. We got to learn how to take a part of certain plants (besides the seed), plant them, and create a new plant. This was really cool and I was so proud of my little plants. There was one in particular that is called a Goldfish Plant, and it was my favorite. I tried so hard to get that little thing to grow. My roommates may recall the plant living on top of our TV and being tipped over a time or two. I also watered it too much and it got all moldy and gross. So, accepting failure, and the fact that this plant needed the care of someone else, I did what anyone else would do to get something well taken care of; I brought it home to my Mom.

So, naturally, I figured I couldn't grow things. It just wasn't my thing.

With my mom "Goldy" (I'm so clever) thrived. She grew and grew and grew. But, to our dismay she would never grow her pretty orange blossoms that look like goldfish.

After Jayson and I got married and moved back to Salt Lake we decided to take Goldy back and see how things went. Things kind of took a turn for the worst for Goldy after that, but I decided to do some research and I found out these plants like humidity, so we put her in the bathroom and brought her back to life. She liked it there and grew and grew. But, alas, still no goldfish blossoms.

I tried growing a couple other flowers in our Salt Lake apartment, each time ending in the death of the plant.

Our Salt Lake apartment was also sort of the beginning of our road to infertility. We actually moved in the very weekend that I miscarried back in December of '09. I was in a lot of emotional pain at the time, but I had no idea as to the long journey that lay ahead of me. I didn't know at the time that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant after that. So, as you can imagine, over the course of the year and a half of living there I began to feel pretty broken, as not only could I not grow plants, but I also could not grow a baby.

I kind of think that we have within us an innate desire to care for things and to help them grow. We need to feel needed. We need to be relied upon in order for us to grow to our full potential.

After four years of having my little goldfish plant we moved into our cute little house. I decided to put him in the kitchen on the shelves by the window. Not too long after we moved in and to my great delight and surprise our goldfish plant finally grew those goldfish blossoms.

And in that a great and new hope was created inside of me. A hope to be able to grow things.

I currently have about ten plants growing in my kitchen and living room, most of which are thriving. I also have daffodils and tulips growing in my front yard and great plans are in the making for a flower garden and a veggie/spice garden this year.

It took a while for me to figure out how to care for plants and how to make them grow, but I finally figured it out. And do you know what? It was worth it. I just adore all my plants and watching them grow brings me great joy.

And I know it will be the same with my future children. I know I probably won't be "growing" them in the way I thought I would back in 2009 when this journey began, but I will be growing them in the sense that I will do everything in my power to help them grow to grow bigger and stronger. I will them them to grow to their full potential. I will watch over them, feed them, love them, teach them, and spend time with them. I know at times it will be hard, but I know it will be worth it. I know that they will bring me great joy as well, greater joy than I could ever imagine.

And, who knows? Maybe since growing plants is going so well we'll soon have a little baby to care for.