Smelling All the Roses Right Now

I've been wanting to write for a long time now, but I have had so many thoughts about so very many things over the past months that writing a post that made any sense seemed like an extremely daunting task. But, lately, I've realized there are so many memories that are happening right now that I want to preserve.

 I actually did write a post weeks ago that made no sense at all and was completely insane and I was really glad I never published it after the fact (I probably shouldn't be allowed to publicly post my thoughts after 11 pm. Just sayin.). However, it was really therapeutic and really cleared my mind, so I think I can write something that makes sense now. So, here we go. I'm giving this blog thing another try.

Summer is my second favorite season. It's a very close second, as I love summer with the depths of my soul, but I can't help but love Fall a tiny bit more. It actually doesn't make a whole lot of sense because I really don't like any temperature over about 75% and I'm usually ready to kiss summer goodbye by about mid-July, but there is just something about Summer that is really dreamy. The long hours of sunlight, the carefree feeling in the air. The mountains! The lakes! I think it's safe to say that 75% of my favorite memories from my childhood happened in the summertime. I think that's why I'm not quite ready to kiss summer goodbye this year. Not yet anyway. (Although I can't pretend I haven't already been dreaming of long sleeve shirts, scarves, changing leaves, Halloween costumes, and all things pumpkin!) Because there is a great deal of magic in this summer.

 I love watching my sweet Littles play outside (because that is all they ever want to do) for hours. We've taken to the mountains and lakes quite a lot this summer, and while going on so many weekend trips is exhausting for everyone, it has been worth it. Watching them discover the world is one of my very favorite things about having kids. We went to Christmas Meadows in the Uintas this past weekend, because Jayson has wanted to go for years and I was obviously on board because...HELLO. It's called CHRISTMAS Meadows! Anyway, we didn't end up getting there until late Thursday night and the kids didn't go to sleep until like 11, but my heart was bursting because even in the dark the kids were SO excited to be there (That and the fact that I almost died because the smell of pine was so delicious.). They were running around, exploring, laughing, and smiling from ear to ear. The next morning was so lovely. The little guy caught a fish, which he was over the moon about. We went on a hike, in which I let the kids get as dirty as their hearts desired, and they played in the water and soaked themselves in the river. It was the stuff that dreamy summertime bliss is made of. We also sat by Lilly Lake and did some more fishing and they explored, threw rocks in the lake, and played in the dirt some more.

I'm rambling now, but my point is, having little kids is just the most lovely and magical of things.

The Little Guy is becoming more independent by the day. For example, he is really into Spider-man right now. I don't know how it happened. I mean, I love super-hero movies as much as the next person, but they aren't something we obsess over in our house. He is still in love with How to Train your Dragon, and dinosaurs. He also has an obsession with cheetahs because of the Wild Krats. And he hardly ever wants to watch princess movies anymore, which is terribly heartbreaking. Although, he will still watch the Tinkerbell movies, which is great, because have you seen the Tinkerbell movies?! They are so good. I know you don't believe me, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't have believed it either until I saw them myself. But I digress.

He's also been really into picking out his own clothes lately, which is both frustrating (because I LOVE  baby and kid clothes, so picking out his outfits has always been a dream) and fun (because seeing what he comes up with can be both hilarious and really cute). For example, the other day he came out in his church pants, transformer shirt, Spider-man tennis shoes, and his Toothless beanie. I just about died. I let him play outside in it until it was time to get ready for church because it was just too good. He also refuses to wear shorts or sandals as of late and I have no idea why? He has also been begging to wear long sleeve shirts for weeks and I finally let him one day and, strangely enough, he hasn't asked again since. He is also pretty keen on wearing Christmas pajamas lately, so maybe he's dreaming of cooler weather too. Letting go of the notion that I can forever choose what he wears and what his interests are is hard guys. I'm not the only one who feels this way, right?!
But seeing him become his own person is also my favorite. It's so fun to see what sticks with him, what his interests are, what clothes he picks, etc. Plus, watching him dress up in costumes and play pretend are just the greatest. And he has been less independent than most kids his age up until this point, so I think this is a good sign. A sign that he is growing and feeling comfortable. I love that he is old enough that I can have conversations with him now and outings with him are so delightful. He also likes to tell me I look beautiful whenever I am wearing a dress or a skirt. This kid I tell you. He's as good as gold.

Jane is at such a fun age. She loves to lift things. She absolutely adores the Little Guy and thinks everything he does or has is the coolest and she must do and have those things as well!
 Honestly, despite this being a difficult age of uncontrollable emotion and getting into everything, and never accepting no as an answer (is that the age or is she just stubborn? I mean, I know she is stubborn, but i don't know how stubborn other kids are at this age.), this might be one of my very favorite ages. She is such a delight. She thinks the silliest things are so funny and her laugh is one of my favorite sounds in the world. It's so fun to see her discovering how things work, understanding words, figuring out her likes and dislikes, etc. Summer has been so fun with her this year. Being outside is her favorite thing and she rushes to the door every single time it opens and tries to escape. Her other favorite thing is riding in things. Whether it be a shopping card, a stroller, a wagon, or her super cool bike/stroller thing that Grandma Cindy got her, she's excited. She is also getting snugglier by the day (and she knows what snuggle and hugs mean, so if you ask her to do it she will, if she wants to.) She  loves to point at everything and wait for me to tell her what the name of it is, which is so fun. She also refuses to wave to people, but LOVES to point at them. We're working on that. But, hey, at least she isn't doing the Nazi sign to people instead of waving anymore. Sometimes I want to freeze time because she seems to be growing up so fast. Everyday she seems more like a toddler than a baby and I can't even believe it.

I just want to soak up every second with these kiddos at these sweet stages. Yes, being a mom is HARD. it's the most challenging thing I've ever done. I also love it more than any other job I've ever had. I've been working extra hard, not only for me to stop and smell the roses, but to let them as well. Sometimes I feel like I get so caught up in either hurrying or trying too hard to create magic in a moment, when in reality, if I just let them be themselves and do what they want in the moment sometimes the magic creates itself, and they ALWAYS create it better than me.Watching the world through their little eyes is the sweetest of all things. I can honestly say that I am grateful for them every single day and they were worth every single hard moment I went through trying to get them. Motherhood right now is the bees knees.

Because I Want To

I think that's the longest break I've ever taken from blogging!
I have honestly been meaning to blog for months...but I almost always fall asleep before I mean to at night these days because Jane has become a terrible sleeper. She used to be soo good! She'd sleep through the night from 3-7 months.
And then she got her first tooth and sleeping through the night was a thing of the past.

But that's not really what I want to blog about.

I've really missed writing. I can't really call myself a writer, per say, but I do really enjoy it.



But here's what I've realized from my hiatus: I don't really like writing updates. I don't like telling you about my trips. I don't like uploading hundreds of pictures. And, here's the epiphany part, I realized that I don't have to write about those things if I don't want to.
So.
I'm just going to write about what I want. I'm not going to try to catch up and tell you all about the holidays. Because aint nobody got time for things they don't have to and don't want to do. I'm going to make a goal to write something every week. Because I want to.
If you want to see all of my pictures and updates add me on Instagram, k?
Intagram is totally my social media jive, by the way. It's by far my favorite. Everytime I look at my account I am reminded of how lovely and wonderful my life really is. I love that it allows me to capture tiny, but sweet moments with my little family that I hold so dear in my heart. And I love getting a glimpse of those moments in other people's lives!



Ok, so maybe I lied a little bit. Because this is going to sort of be an update. But, only because I want to. And I will probably do an update/re-cap of Jane turning one at some point in time. You're welcome.

Right now we're in the process of moving and can I just say...yuck. Moving is the absolute worst. And so is buying and selling your house. The entire process has honestly been such a nightmare, but that's a story for another day. Mostly because I don't want to write it out right now. Do you see what I just did there? I'm the boss of this blog and I write what I want.
Anyway, I have so many mixed feelings on the move. I have loved this house since the day I saw it. For years I would feel so happy every single time I pulled in the driveway. This was our first house. We put so much work into it. We started our family here. There have been countless happy moments within these walls. We also had so many plans for the house and the yard that we never got to and that makes me really sad because I feel like I let the house and yard down (what? I know, it doesn't even make any sense.). And our neighbors! They are the absolute best and it's so hard to imagine having neighbors this good anywhere else. But, at some point in time everyone has to ask themselves,
"Are you going to love it?"
"Or are you going to list it?"
I literally thought about this for like 6 months.
In the end we decided we had to list it. (obviously.)
There's just not enough space, especially if we intend to have more kids one day, which we do.



Which brings me to another point. I feel like when you're baby turns one you are obligated to start thinking about your next kid. Does anyone else feel this pressure?! I honestly haven't had that many people ask me about it, but I just feel the pressure.
But, let me just tell you, not because people have asked, but because I want to. (Because, you really should't ask! But, that's a blog post for another day. And not because I don't want to, because I really want to! It's just because it deserves its own blogpost.)
So, are we going to adopt or do Foster care again?!
Not right this minute. Honestly, I just don't feel like it's time yet. Yes, I get baby hungry when I see newborns! But who doesn't? I can't put my finger on it, but there has always been something really magical about the two kiddos we have. I remember when we left to bring Jane home and the four of us were together for the first time since Jane was born and I felt complete. I don't think it meant that our family was complete, but that at that moment, we were complete. I know, I know. It doesn't make any sense! I have felt that same feeling countless other times. There is just something really special about the four of us and I'm not ready for that to be over. Right now we're good. We're so happy with the way things are I'm also not ready to dive into the world of disappointment and despair that ultimately comes with trying to grow your family and being infertile. This year and a half long break without that looming over my head has been an absolute dream and I just don't think I'm mentally or emotionally ready to dive into that business right now. I'm also not ready for Jane to not be the baby anymore. I'm soaking up every single second of this golden one year old stage. I think it might be my favorite! Can I get all the heart eye emoticons for this one?!



Can I just talk for a minute about how our Little Guy is in preschool?! He started school the same week Jane turned one, Little Guy decided he was too big for his booster seat for the table, and Jane learned to climb the stairs. Crush my heart!
Anyway, I had no intention of putting him in preschool. I was actually really looking forward to teaching him myself at home and then doing joyschool with some friends that have kiddos his age. But, after months of thought and prayer I agreed to put him in a preschool that was recommended to us. I was so sad to send him off and completely unprepared for that, but it felt like the very best decision for him in the end. It's only a couple of times a week and really not a big deal at all, but it sure felt like it during the deciding process. I think that because I wanted to be a mom so long I try my very hardest to hold onto every single moment and not having him home seemed too sad. It has been nice for us to get breaks from one another  though, and spending one on one time with Jane has been nice too. Plus, he absolutely loves it! Although, it has made him feel like a big kid and now wants to be super independent, so I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that...
But, his teachers love him and say he's so smart and such a good role model for the other kids. You guys, he really is just a golden kid. He's honestly the sweetest and kindest little kid that I know. And he sees the world through the prettiest rose colored glasses that anyone could ever own. He seems to only see the good in this world and therefore, ends up being so much of the good in this world.



Also, it's Springtime! And I find myself excited about that, which is really odd. Normally it's really not my favorite. For whatever reason this particular change in season always puts me in a bit of a funk, but this year I'm just soaking up every second of those pretty blossoms outside. But maybe that's because April has just begun? Like, as in, 40 minutes ago. For me, April generally really is the cruelest month. But, I have high hopes that it will not be the case this year. I'm just feeling really hopeful these days.

I decided recently that I need a thing. I feel like everyone has a thing. I have friends that read a ton, friends that write, craft, sing, crossfit, etc. What I do in my spare time when I'm not being a mom? I sleep, eat, sometimes read, but mostly just play on social media. I guess writing is kind of one of my things, except that I'm not really trained in it and I haven't actually done it since September, but that's changing! I also decided that I want photography to be my thing. I've always kind of felt like I have a bit of a knack for it and it's something I really love doing. I want to learn more about how to take great pictures and how to use photoshop. I was lucky enough to inheret my step-mom's old Canon Rebel for my birthday this year, so I've been trying to figure that out as of late. Since it used to be hers I don't actually have a lense for it yet and the only lense she has left is a close up one, so that's all I've been using so far. I'm pretty pleased with how some of my blossom pictures have turned out though (the ones you've seen throughout this post. These are unedited, I might add, so don't judge too harshly!). I don't intend to make money off of photography (although, I did sell a photo I took of a sunset for $20 a few years ago). I just want to take pretty pictures.

 

So, now I just need a thing that involves exercise.

Happy Springtime everyone!

A Little Update on Everything.

Well, I'm obviously super behind on blogging and all that jazz. I got so behind that I just sort of gave up for a while, and honestly I'm pretty tired right now, so I'm just going to update you on life in general (and on little Jane) and then other things that need their own post will get one someday soon. Probably.

So, Jane is now 6 1/2 months old. That is just crazy. I feel like she's so big! And she kind of is. She's now 60th percentile for weight and 85th for length. What happened to my tiny baby that was below 50th on everything?

Jane continues to get more and more pleasant. She's such a happy baby and is full of smiles and laughs. Her laughs are still hard to come by, but not quite as hard. And when they come...oh man. There's no better sound in the world. It's just funny because she'll be ticklish in one spot one minute and then she won't be ticklish there for another week. Or she'll randomly laugh at the weirdest things and then they'll never be funny again. Silly girl.

Though she's happy, she's still kind of a diva baby. And I think she's started throwing tantrums?! So, we're in trouble during toddler years for sure. Seriously, the little guy was playing with his Toothless the Dragon toy (oh, by the way, the little guy is back!) and she wanted it and she just started fussing because she couldn't have it. If she can't reach things she wants she gets so frustrated. And if you take something away from her, oh man. This girl I tell you.

So, I've never been a put-my-kids-to-bed-at-7:30 kind of person. Not that it's a bad thing to be that kind of person, but I'm not the best with strict routines and such, and when 7:30 rolls around I'm luck if dinner is eaten and cleaned up let alone having kids ready for bed. But anyway. Jane has been demanding 7:30 bedtime lately and it has thrown me for a loop. But it's nice in some ways as well. I've had to get used to routines more because she's the kind of kid that needs them. Not that I just let my kids do whatever they want, but the little guy is just a really happy-go lucky-go with the flow kind of guy, which meshes with my personality to a t. So, we're working on that whole routine thing.

One of my favorite things about Jane is spending mornings with her. She's SOO happy in the morning. And it's the best. She just coos and smiles and plays with her toes, etc.

She also loves to touch faces. And I love that she loves that. She's obsessed with Ruby and the little guy. And she's still obsessed with Jayson and his voice. But, you know, I think she's pretty fond of me too.

Oh, and remember how she started showing interest in food at a pretty young age? Well, it turns out she just wants to hold it. She makes a grimace every time anything other than her bottle is put into her mouth. But, today we did get her to eat some mango from those little squeeze pouches (but via spoon) and she actually smiled and sucked it off the spoon herself, rather than moving her face as far away from the spoon as possible. I'm not entirely sure that she got more than two swallows to actually go down, but...progress is progress, am I right?!

She mastered rolling over pretty quickly and she's so over it. She rolled over non-stop for like two weeks and then I guess she got bored with it? She's trying with all her might to crawl though. She hasn't succeeded yet, but man is she trying. But her favorite thing in the world is to stand. And to be upside-down. Usually if she's grumpy and you let her do one of those things she'll calm right down. If you hold her hands and let her stand on the floor she'll even put one foot in front of the other sometimes, which totally freaks me out.

Jane continues to be like the least snuggly baby ever, but don't let her fool you. She LOVES to be held. She just wants her head up to look around at everything. And she'll always snuggle me when she eats because the girl is OBSESSED with her bottle. Seriously, it's her favorite thing. She'll ALWAYS smile when she's sees it. Without fail.

She's super grabby. She wants to grab and examine everything. All of the time. She continues to be a pretty good sleeper at night, though we've had a couple colds in the last little while and that has put a bit of a damper on the whole sleeping thing. (Double ear infection and pink eye a week ago. Yikes! We had to pry her eyes open one morning and it was probably the saddest thing I've experienced with her so far.)

She seems to love water, which makes me so happy. She always kicks with glee in the bathtub and she's completely mesmerized by fountains. But she hates being cold with a great passion, so cold water is a no go thus far. And lights. She LOVES lights. She's also becoming increasingly obsessed with my mom, which makes my mom's grandma heart so happy.

Jane is really just the best. We love her to pieces and we constantly ask ourselves how we ever got so blessed to be her parents! She has stolen the hearts of just about everyone we know as well.

The little guy continues to be obsessed with dragons. He seems to be less obsessed with Disney Princesses, which, I will admit, saddens me a little. But he's still the sweetest boy around and I can't get enough of him. He really is just my best little buddy/ side kick. I actually enjoy having him with me while running errands and such because he's that much fun. And he's so sweet to Jane. And he loves Jayson so much. I can't believe how much he's grown in just a month and a half.

And now I will update you more with some pictures.


We all went to my Dad's property and had a blast. The little guy had the best time going fishing with Dad, Grandpa, and our cousin Austin. Baby Jane had a good time napping.

My Dad and cousins built this cabin (and Jayson helped a tiny bit). I'm so proud. I can't wait for all of the fun times we'll have in it!! I'm excited for my kids to grow up going here. 

Jane with Grandma Defriez. Jane is so tiny!

We also got to go to Bear Lake in July. I'm excited for my kids to grow up going here too. Angela and her family got to come and visit us while we were there as well, which seemed to be a really great experience for everyone involved. Jayson's family loved getting to chat with them.

Grandpa Kim often gets too nervous to hold babies, so this had to be documented.

It's so crazy how tiny she looks in this swing compared with how she looks in it over Labor Day.

Her first 4th of July!

She wasn't entirely sure about being in the cold lake at first, but she warmed up to the idea. Also, her first time touching a lake!

There's a place that sells dole whips in Garden City, so my life just got really awesome.

Is this not the sweetest?! 

We got a new nephew! We're excited for Jane to have a cousin so close in age. 

I really wanted to write an entire blog post about the mountains and how they make me nostalgic for my childhood and how I went to Marni's cabin with her while she was in Utah and it was possibly one of my favorite things I've done in a long time. And I failed to take a single picture. And I wanted to tell you how much I love quakies. And all I want is to go to the mountains and turn off my phone and be disconnected for like a month. And live amount the quakies. So, maybe I'll write that post sometime. But I'm not making any promises. For now I'll leave you with these pictures of our hike to Cecret Lake on the 24th of July, which was stunning.

Jane's face!

And then Jane turned 5 months. I think 5 months was probably the time she was the most bald. 

We got to go to St. George at the beginning of August because Jana, Jayson's youngest sibling, went through the St. George Temple with her fiance. It was a great time! Although, Jane didn't love the drive. We're pretty sure she gets car sick because she threw up both going there and going home.

I know this is blurry, but this is the best picture of this facial expression I've gotten to date. She make sit all of the time and we affectionately refer to it as the "Saddest Face in the World" face. I think it's so cute how her bottom lip curls in two places like that. 

 And then Jana and Kaleb got married! The wedding was so lovely.

Like mother like daughter?

The coolest cakes around.

This is the first time she sat up by herself!

She was snuggling me, so it had to be documented.

She's obsessed with her daddy.

Jane turned 6 months! Six months is so bitter sweet. The first year is half over! It can't be. That's just crazy.

Obsessed.

Those eyes.

Do you see the hair? It's finally started growing in again!

Standing is her favorite. All the day long.

See! hair!

I die.

Jane is miss independent these days. She'll only tolerate the wrap half of the time now and we were at Costco a couple of weeks ago and she just wouldn't have it any longer, but I can't possibly carry her and push that cart full of a billion pounds of groceries, so she went in the cart. I was pretty sad about it because for some reason this was the biggest moment of "my baby is growing up too fast" that I've ever had. But, she was obviously really happy about it.

 And then we went to Bear Lake again. It was a lot colder this time, but still so fun!

Can you even believe how much smaller she was in this swing over the 4th?!

This was her first time in a stroller without using the car seat in it. And we went to the Flag Field, which I love. She loves the stroller too. Miss Independent I tell you. I so wish I could post pictures of the little guy because I got such cute ones of them at this flag field. He pushed Jane's stroller for like ten minutes by himself. It was the cutest.

And so, I guess that brings you to date with our current lives, except for the exceptionally wonderful week we had last week, which needs its own post for sure.