The Nativity Put in Perspective

Today (or, technically yesterday, since it's now after midnight and I guess it's Christmas Eve...say wha?!) at church there was a lot of singing and talking about the Christmas story, naturally. This happens ever year, but this year the story is more real to me than ever before.

You see, yesterday/today (December 23rd) my step-sister, Chelsie, had her baby, just before one in the morning. It turns out having a baby born into your family around Christmastime is a really special and sacred thing. It just really puts things into perspective. In church as we talked about Mary  and the newborn baby Jesus I couldn't help but think about little newborn Brynlee. For some reason I imagine that Mary's labor was similar to Chelsie's, in that she was in labor into the night and in the very early morning our Savior was born. I went to bed the night before and in the morning there were picture message on my phone and I knew my new little niece was here. I imagine that first and glorious Christmas morning was like that. One night the world went to bed and in the very early hours of the morning their Savior was here and there was relief and hope for all.

Isn't she lovely?

The proud Mama and baby

The proud Grandma. 

All of this made me realize that the story of Christ's birth is REAL. It's not just a story. It really happened. We  had a wonderful lesson in Young Women's today that also made the story very really for me.. The woman that was teaching brought in her nativity scene. On the table when we all came in was the stable and a lot of wrapped presents near it. Each present was given to a young women and opened in order, when the teacher asked for the number they had on their present. Each present was filled with a piece of the nativity scene and she talked about the importance of each one.

First, we talked about the Inn Keeper. I wonder what tremendous guild he had or will have when he finds that he turned away Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

Then there was the manger, which may have been made of wood, but apparently it was more likely made of stone and had straw put into it for comfort for the baby. When she was talking about this I just kept thinking about Chelsie having to lay little Brynlee, a new and precious little baby, in a stone box.

Next were the animals. Besides Joseph and Mary no other mortal person is mentioned to have witnessed His birth. Only the parents and the animals, who could not utter of such a sacred experience. I imagine those animals understood more than one would think.

The shepherds were tending their flock and and angel appeared to them, bringing good news that I'm sure the angel was bursting with anticipation to give. The shepherds care and watch over their flock, just as Christ does for us. He is our Shepherd.

Although the three wise men did not actually come at Christ's birth they are very much a part of the story. It seems they used the star that appeared on His birth to guide them for nearly two years. They were all of very noble and high-esteemed professions and they brought him Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh, all very fine presents. Gold was, of course, of great value. Frankincense and Myrrh are actually often used in medicine because of their healing properties, which seems symbolic of the healing that Christ offers all of us.

And, of course we can't forget Joseph. Can you even imagine being Joseph? The lady who taught the lesson made a point I had never really thought of before. She asked the question, "What would you do if the woman you were in love with came and told you that she was pregnant with the Savior?" It would probably sound crazy. After his visitation with angel, however, he had tremendous faith and went forth with the plans for marriage. When I think of a new father I always think of a very nervous man. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be the new father of our Savior. Also, it is said that if they would have been under proper rule Joseph would have been royalty, and Jesus the rightful heir to the throne.

Mary is thought to have been about sixteen years old when she was visited by the angel and when she became pregnant with the Savior. I can't even fathom being a mother at sixteen years old. She must have truly been a remarkable woman. I'm sure it was more common then to get married at bear children at that age, but still. I can't find the quote, but one of the Apostles said something along the lines of this: The Savior was the chosen one. He was perfect and the only one that could perform the Atonement. If that is true we can only conclude that Mary was the most choice daughter, the one who could properly raise our Savior. I am sure Mary also knew, to some extent, what would eventually happen to her Son. Can you imagine carrying that burden of knowledge with you for so many years? This part of the lesson also made me think of Chelsie. I saw how uncomfortable she was near the end and I know that she hardly ever felt good at that point. I can't imagine her having to ride a donkey for days and days to get to Bethlehem, only to deliver in a stable.

And, our Savior; the whole reason that we know this story. He was born so that He could die for us. He suffered for us so that He could always know exactly what we need and how to help us. Because of Him we can return to Heaven one day to be with our Heavenly Father, Him, and our families. His birth gave the world the greatest of hope.

I will close by wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas.

Four Years and Christmas Nostalgia

This past Tuesday Jayson and I celebrated our 4th anniversary.

Getting married to Jayson that day was the best decision I ever made. Seriously, it's so cliche, but I really think we're perfect for one another. We are very similar, but balance each other our at the same time. I can't imagine my life without him. He always knows how to cheer me up and he's so patient with me when I'm crazy.

(For whatever reason our anniversary pictures never really turn out very well. This is about the best we got!)

But anyway, FOUR! Can you believe it? Time flies, am I right? But then, was I ever NOT married to Jayson? I'm pretty sure I always have been. You know what I mean?

We got married exactly a week before Christmas and everyone thought that was crazy. And it probably was. People even told me that I would regret having my anniversary so close to Christmas for the rest of my life. Now, I'll admit, I never said to myself, "Self, one day I want to get married during Christmastime!" Because that's not normal, right? It turns out though, that this is one of those things where it turns out better than you could have ever planned it yourself. You guys, I LOVE having my anniversary during Christmastime. Yes, sometimes it's hard to celebrate because it's hard to find time to celebrate and because money is always a little tight around the holidays anyway. But I love Christmas with all my heart, so having a really special day so close to it makes me crazy-giddy.  Being able to do Christmasy stuff on your anniversary is wonderful. I love that when I'm downtown at Christmastime it makes me nostalgic for that sweet wedding day that was ours. Plus, I've always thought this time of year is really romantic.

All of this Christmas business has had me reflecting on our life of four years together. I've been thinking a lot about where we were on each past anniversary/ Christmas. Also, a friend of mine that got married around the same time as me posted pictures of all of their Christmas trees from the past years and it got me reflecting on all that our Christmas trees can tell us about our stages of life.

For example, the other day I was setting up our old little three or four foot Christmas tree at work so that I could have it by my desk. I thought about how now we have a lovely, big  tree in our living room with mostly matching ornaments and a pretty new star.

I love our big tree and I'm so happy that I get to have it in our bay window, because for years I've always wanted to have a bay window that faces the street and to have our Christmas tree in it.

But that little tree got me thinking about our past Christmases. Our first Christmas we didn't have a tree because we got married just a week before Christmas and didn't get back from our honeymoon until Christmas Eve. Our second Christmas I think we had a very small little tree, but not much in the way of decorations because we had just moved from Logan to Salt Lake a week and a half before Christmas. Our third Christmas is the one I remember the most distinctly. That was the first year I really tried  to make our home looks Christmas-ey. That was what I thought of while I was setting up that very same tree by my desk.  I remember how it had all of the mis-matched ornaments. We didn't have a tree topper so we jimmy-rigged one of my willow tree angels to the top with ornament hanging wire. And as I thought of that tree the other day at work my heart just melted. I realized that I miss that tree. I'm so very fond of it. It will always remind me of our sweet, humble beginnings. While I was putting it up I asked my co worker, "Why is it that often when we have the least are the memories we cherish the most?" She replied back, "Because that's when we're the most humble and we're the closest to God."
And you know what? I think she's right. I think it's also because those are great building years. Those were the years (and, really they kind of still are) that we were first learning how to build a life together. We were learning which Christmas traditions we should keep from whose family, and making some of our own.

Our fourth Christmas was our first in our new house and that one was a sweet one too. It was our first year with our big tree. My dream came true of putting a tree in the bay window. It still had its mis-matched ornaments and we had a hand me down retro star on top, but we loved it just the same. 

And while I love our tree right now a really big part of me misses those mis-matchy trees. I'll always think of them fondly. I have decided that I always want to put up that little tree of ours with all of its crazy ornaments as well as the big one so we can remember those days of living in basement apartments and having a humble little tree. It holds so many memories of new starts, hope, dreams, and love.

Also, one day I want to have a tree this big:

But, seriously.

Kiddos

I've been thinking a lot about little kids as of late.

Have you guys seen The Rise of the Guardians? It's one of the most wonderfully magical things I've seen in a long time and it inspired this train of thought.

It is sort of a spin off of a series called The Guardians by William Joyce, which I now own and I've started reading the first one, which is about Santa Claus. Because, ya know, it's Christmas and stuff. And because ever since I watched that movie all I want to do is read children's literature. I even checked out Charlotte's Web from the library the other day. And I think after that I'll read James and the Giant Peach.

And all of this got me thinking about how sometimes really often I like things made for children a lot more than things made for adults. Seriously. When I watch a movie about 75% of the time it's a movie made for little kids. When I watch TV it's either a serious for children or Boy Meets World or something on HGTV.

Also, have you guys seen the new Winnie the Pooh movie? Oh my goodness. It's ADORABLE.

The other day I was talking about how much I long to ride the new Little Mermaid ride at Disneyland and my sister in law was like, "Well, it's ok. I mean, it's kind of similar to the Peter Pan ride, but it's nothing super fun." Ok, those probably weren't her exact words, but something along those lines. But you guys, guess what my favorite ride at Disneyland is. Yep. Peter Pan.

I've even been missing being a primary teacher lately. Really badly. Especially singing time, because little kids singing songs about the gospel is my favorite.

It's also Christmas and doesn't that always make you think of the magic of being a little kid? I love Christmas more than almost anything, but it always come with that little pang of sadness that it's not the same as it was when I was little, no matter how much I pretend.

And do you know what I've concluded from all of this? I like all of these things because they are full of magic and they are full of pure and simple truths. They are full of the best and most hopeful of messages. I think these things are often seen as week and childish, just like children are. But, The Rise of the Guardians was a great reminder to me about how powerful they are. They carry with them such light. They truly believe that they can do anything and that nothing is impossible. They have unshakable faith. They can melt the most bitter of hearts. It's no wonder that we are asked so often in the scriptures to be like a child.

On Some Things I'm Really Grateful For

I know, I know. I'm an entire week late.

But still. Gratitude is something we should have all of the time anyway and not just one day a year right?

Let me just tell you, I had some grand plans for November. I was going to keep a journal and write about the things I was grateful for every day. And I was going to do a post a week about adoption because it's adoption awareness month. And I was going to get so many things I've been putting on the back burner done because November is one of the slower months, right? But somehow it ended up not being slow and at all and none of those things got done. I haven't even folded my laundry for like three weeks. Seriously. It's all sitting in our extra bedroom in a big heaping pile.

So, what has been keeping me so busy, you ask? That's the funny thing. I don't even know.

Anyway, back to the point of this post.

On Thanksgiving my mother in law had everyone write things they were grateful for on this gigantic paper and then we're going to take it out in two years when it's the year for the all of the Kim side to eat together again and see how things have changed and progressed and such. I thought it was a brilliant idea! After that I wanted to write a post about each thing I wrote on there, but now it's been a week and I can't remember all of them, but I'll do my best.

• I'm grateful for Jayson. I'm so grateful to have a husband that supports me in everything I do. I'm grateful that he's stuck with me even though sometimes I'm a crazy person. I'm grateful he helps me with chores, that we have a relationship full of trust, and that we can always depend on one another. He is always there to hold/pick me up when I'm down. I'm so grateful that we love to spend time with each other, that we laugh together, and that we enjoy the simple little moments like a big home made breakfast on a lazy Saturday morning. And he let me get a dog. What a wonderful guy!
• I'm grateful for Ruby. You guys she really is the best dog! She doesn't destroy thing, she's a sweetheart, she minds really well, she's fun, she's friendly...I could go on. I just love her. She makes my heart so happy. There are very VERY few things better than an excited dog greeting you at the door when you come home from work. And when she wags her tail her whole bum moves! It's the cutest thing ever. Did I mention she's super adorable? 

 She LOVES to be outside and run. It was so fun to see how excited she got over the snow! 

Here she's waiting for Jayson to come back inside from the garage. Adorable!

• My family. I honestly have the best family you could ever ask for, in-laws and all! Everyone is always loving and supportive of one another. For the most part everyone gets along, there's not constant drama, and we love to spend time together. I feel so blessed to know that there are so many people that are there to love and support me when I really need it. I'm grateful to know that I have people I can call to come over and help me fix a section of my fence that fell over when Jayson had to work super late (thanks Dad!). That's love. 
• My friends. I truly feel like I have the best people around me in the whole world. My friends are wonderful. All of them. My best friends, my friends I met in school, my ward friends, my friends from when I was little, new friends, friends of the family...you get the picture. I love every single one of them and it means to much to me to get to have them in my life. 
• Support. This kind of goes along with being thankful for my friends and family. Adoption has given me the opportunity to see how many people support and love us and I'm truly overwhelmed with gratitude  for the love and support that we have. You're all so wonderful. 
• Adoption. I am so grateful for the miracle of adoption. I'm grateful beyond words at the opportunity that it gives so many to be parents when they otherwise wouldn't be able to. I'm grateful that it's going to give us that opportunity. I'm grateful that we're able to be a part of it. I'm grateful for the birth mothers out there who make such an incredibly hard, courageous, and loving choice. You guys should really watch some of the videos found here. They're all stories from the birth mother's perspective. They're wonderful. Also, this article is really great. It gives a lot of perspectives on adoption that you don't normally get to hear, like the adoptee, the birth father, the birth grandparent, etc. I highly recommend it. 
• The temple. My friend from my ward recently went to the temple for the first time and she invited me to come. It was such a great reminder of the wonderful blessings we receive there. She was so happy that day and I was just giddy with happiness for her. Adoption has also made me even more grateful for the sealing power than I was before. Even though we can't have children our adopted children can still be sealed to us and we can be together forever, just the same as if we had given birth to them. What an amazing blessing!

I could go on and on with this list, but these are the things I've been thinking about the most lately. We truly are so blessed. We have all of the things I've listed, we have the gospel, we have always had enough food to eat and clothes to wear. We have good jobs that support us. We have a roof over our head. And we really love our lives. 

A Tale of Two Haircuts

Last weekend I cut Jayson's hair for the first time. Please observe:


I was pretty nervous. I didn't think Jayson was at all, but this picture begs to differ:

Please also observe his tan line.

It went....ok. I did it way shorter than I meant to and I couldn't blend in the back very well, but my mother in law says that it's hard to blend with that red hair, so that made me feel better. Also, when he put gel in it and did it all nicely you couldn't tell that I didn't blend very well. And, you know what they say, the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about four days.

Anyway, here's the result. In my defense, this isn't a great picture as the lighting is bad and Jayson's right eye looks all squinty. I didn't take a before picture, but in the pictures above you can get an idea of how long it was before. P.S Jayson LOVES his hair super short, so he was pretty pleased. I like it when it's longer because then it's wavy, so that is probably another reason I didn't love it. Just in case you were wondering.

And this weekend I decided to do something I've been wanting to do for years, but I've never had the guts to. I really almost did it about a year ago, but I chickened out at the last second and went with my typical short haircut of a pretty low key A-line. But, not this time. This time I wouldn't let myself back out! I woke up Saturday morning and swore I wasn't going to go. But, I did. It was even snowing and the road was pretty wet and slippery. If you didn't know I'm pretty terrified to drive in the snow, so this was a pretty big deal. 

I didn't take a before picture because I'm lame, but you all know what my hair looked like before right? So, let's just get to the after:

I was a little self-conscious at first and a little nervous for people to see it, but people seem to really love it so far. At church today one of the young women told me I looked like Emma Watson, but with darker hair and someone in ward choir told me that I looked like Audrey Hepburn when she had short hair, so basically it was the best day ever.

 It's been different though because I've never changed my appearance so much that people didn't recognize me and I had about five people at church tell me they didn't realize it was me when they first saw me, which amused me greatly. I don't blame them though, I still don't usually believe it's me when I look in the mirror. I also keep going to grab my hair and then I realize it's not there anymore. Crazy!

So far I absolutely love it! It's been really fun to try on all of my headbands and style it and such and to see all of the different things I can do with it. I can actually do a lot more with it than I thought! I haven't styled it completely from start to finish yet though, as the lady that cut my hair styled it for me and it just needed a little more product this morning. So, I'm a little worried about that. Everyone pray that I will be able to do it myself in the morning! 

Once Upon an October

Let's just say October did not dissapoint.

The first fun October-ish thing we did was go to a lovely pumpkin patch! Did I mention how much I love pumpkin patches?

 Jayson went for the perfectly round type of pumpkin.

I went for character. Do you see that stem?! It's the best.

We also saw some pretty things:

And, of course we took our annual autumn Logan trip. Jayson's brother, his wife, and their little boy came with us, as always. It just has to be done. It's so beautiful there in the Fall I tell you!

But also, that trip was mixed with about a hundred emotions. When we pulled in I wanted to cry because it was so beautiful and because I missed it so much. I was so happy to be there. I was also thinking about how something about Logan always makes me feel a little bit incomplete and I think I finally figured out why. I think it's because I feel like I never really got to say goodbye. I miscarried two days before we moved, so my mind was not on moving or feeling sad about leaving Logan at all. That probably sounds silly, but it's a place that holds a lot of dear memories to me. I lived there with my best friends, for my first year of marriage, and for my first time on my own.

And I also kept thinking about how exactly three years ago I lived there and it must have been that beautiful then, but I didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I should have. I wish I would have enjoyed my surroundings more. I wish I would have spent more time with my best friends when we still all lived in the same city. I wish I would have spent more time exploring Cache Valley.

Since October is one of the hardest months of the year for me to not be a mom (Weird, right? Not Mother's Day, not Christmas. October. I think it's because that's when I got pregnant and man those little kids in costumes just kill me dead.) I thought about infertility too. But it turns out this was a good thing. That was were my thoughts shifted from regret to enlightenment and positivity.

Logan was before infertility. In fact, three years ago when I lived in Logan I was the opposite of infertile, because I was pregnant. In that moment I realized that infertility has given me one of the most precious gifts. It gave me the gift to live in the present and to really appreciate things when I'm in the moment with them instead of years down the road. It has given me new life and the ability to not have as many regrets. It made me realize that there are always going to be hard things and you can't postpone your happiness until those hard things are over. It made me realize that I have the ability to choose to be happy now. Infertility has given me some of the most precious knowledge that I have to date.

So, thanks for that epiphany dear Logan.

Don't worry, the rest of the post is mainly pictures. Trust me, you don't want to miss these.

My cute nephew in a car, in Logan.

When in Logan you must go to Firehouse Pizza. (Which moved, by the way. Did you know?!)

And, for the main event and the big reason this trip happened...

The Pumpkin Walk!!! It was full of pure delight as always.

Oh Candyland!

 He He.

 This LIFE display was made by FSA (Families Supporting Adoption...the volunteer group I'm part of now, remember?)

Cute kiddos talk about adoption.

Clue!!


The theme this year was, "Let the Games Begin" or something like that, so I totally expected a Hunger Games display, but I did not expect it to be this good! There was more if it, it was like four spots long, but these were my favorite parts:

Isn't that face painting rad?!

Oh, Hagrid.

Please note the random kid staring at Jayson. It kills me!!

One of my other favorite things about October is the Kim family party:

Baby Yoda! I know, I know. Cutest ever, right?!

The Star Wars crew

It's not a good party unless someone cries.

This picture cracks me up. Yoda is crying and the monkey is trying to escape. Love it!

Pumpkin beards!

At the end of October this wonderful couple got married:

It was such a lovely day and she was such a beautiful bride!

Suzie getting married also meant I got to see a whole lot of these people:

It was one crazy week of lots of good times. I love these people more than I can even explain.

And, of course, there was Halloween!!!

I was a death eater..

Jayson was Draco

 These are our sweet tats. The best part of our costumes if I do say so myself.

Ruby was obviously Crookshanks.

And, we had Sherlock and the cowgirl over to watch the Nightmare Before Christmas, which all may or may not have fallen to sleep during....

October, you were lovely!