Oh yes, that place.
Sometimes when I feel down I like to read Oh, the Places You'll Go!, because let's face it, it's brilliant. And it always makes me feel better.
There's a little section in that book that goes like this:
"...you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting."
Lately I've been thinking of those haunting lines.
I've been waiting around for a baby. Just waiting.
I'm not very good at waiting, especially when there's not much I can do about the situation. I haven't even been waiting that long for an adoption and I didn't really expect anything to happen so soon anyway, but that feeling of not being able to do much of anything except to spread the word has me feeling anxious already.
Dr. Seuss is right; it is a most useless place. And it sucks you in like a vortex.
But, I mean, what else can you do? It's like that line from Expo 86 by Death Cab for Cutie that goes, "But, if I move my place in line, I'll lose. And I have waited, the anticipation's got me glued."
But, in the midst of all of this thinking lately I remembered something I have learned a year and a half or so ago:
We're all waiting for something and trials are not meant to be something to just get through. You can actually be happy while you're going through a hard trial. This piece of knowledge felt like gold to me. Up to that point I had thought of them as something to get over and once they're over you can finally be happy again. That worked pretty well for me for most of my life, but when this trial hit me on the head I started realizing that it wasn't going away any time soon and that even once I got my first child infertility would be staring me in the face when I longed for a second. I had to find a way to be happy during it.
So, I got to thinking. I thought about how besides that my life is really great. I realized that I could go and do fun things still and that I could keep on living while I'm waiting for something. I realized that when I finally got a baby I'd start waiting for something else and I'd be back in that Waiting Place again. I realized that I had to learn to be happy with what's going on in the present, even if some of it's hard, or I'd never learn to be completely happy at all.
It all came together to this conclusion:
The Waiting Place isn't really about waiting as much as it is about allowing yourself to be miserable while you wait.
It's like waiting at the Dr.'s office for hours with nothing to do but wait vs taking your favorite book and reading it during those hours (and let it be known that Harry Potter has gotten me through a lot of nervous and anxious waiting at the Dr's office, and trust me on this one; it was much better with him than without him). That makes sense, right?
And, suddenly, I was out of the Waiting Place and my life was changed.
Sometimes this lesson is hard to remember, am I right? And I had forgotten it in this beginning of the adoption waiting process until a few days ago.
But, thankfully, I remembered this the other day. I remembered that besides all of that this summer has been absolutely perfect, truly lovely, and filled with all of the many wonderful things that summer should be filled with and there are still more of such things to come.
So, while I will continue to dream of soaking up moments with my future babies of snuggling, smiling, laughing; enjoying buying holiday jammies, Halloween costumes, and every sea creature/nautical thing in sight for them, I'm deciding to take Dr. Seuss's advice once more and get myself out of that Waiting Place.
"NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"
Sometimes when I feel down I like to read Oh, the Places You'll Go!, because let's face it, it's brilliant. And it always makes me feel better.
There's a little section in that book that goes like this:
"...you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting."
Lately I've been thinking of those haunting lines.
I've been waiting around for a baby. Just waiting.
I'm not very good at waiting, especially when there's not much I can do about the situation. I haven't even been waiting that long for an adoption and I didn't really expect anything to happen so soon anyway, but that feeling of not being able to do much of anything except to spread the word has me feeling anxious already.
Dr. Seuss is right; it is a most useless place. And it sucks you in like a vortex.
But, I mean, what else can you do? It's like that line from Expo 86 by Death Cab for Cutie that goes, "But, if I move my place in line, I'll lose. And I have waited, the anticipation's got me glued."
But, in the midst of all of this thinking lately I remembered something I have learned a year and a half or so ago:
We're all waiting for something and trials are not meant to be something to just get through. You can actually be happy while you're going through a hard trial. This piece of knowledge felt like gold to me. Up to that point I had thought of them as something to get over and once they're over you can finally be happy again. That worked pretty well for me for most of my life, but when this trial hit me on the head I started realizing that it wasn't going away any time soon and that even once I got my first child infertility would be staring me in the face when I longed for a second. I had to find a way to be happy during it.
So, I got to thinking. I thought about how besides that my life is really great. I realized that I could go and do fun things still and that I could keep on living while I'm waiting for something. I realized that when I finally got a baby I'd start waiting for something else and I'd be back in that Waiting Place again. I realized that I had to learn to be happy with what's going on in the present, even if some of it's hard, or I'd never learn to be completely happy at all.
It all came together to this conclusion:
The Waiting Place isn't really about waiting as much as it is about allowing yourself to be miserable while you wait.
It's like waiting at the Dr.'s office for hours with nothing to do but wait vs taking your favorite book and reading it during those hours (and let it be known that Harry Potter has gotten me through a lot of nervous and anxious waiting at the Dr's office, and trust me on this one; it was much better with him than without him). That makes sense, right?
And, suddenly, I was out of the Waiting Place and my life was changed.
Sometimes this lesson is hard to remember, am I right? And I had forgotten it in this beginning of the adoption waiting process until a few days ago.
But, thankfully, I remembered this the other day. I remembered that besides all of that this summer has been absolutely perfect, truly lovely, and filled with all of the many wonderful things that summer should be filled with and there are still more of such things to come.
So, while I will continue to dream of soaking up moments with my future babies of snuggling, smiling, laughing; enjoying buying holiday jammies, Halloween costumes, and every sea creature/nautical thing in sight for them, I'm deciding to take Dr. Seuss's advice once more and get myself out of that Waiting Place.
"NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"
5 comments:
oh i love this.
best attitude! and such a great realization. :)
love you!
This is a beautiful post! You are such a strong and positive person and even though you have been going through some of the hardest trials, no one would ever know it because you bear it with such grace. I'm sure the waiting is terrible, but as you already know, once you're snuggling that jammie-clad baby, all the waiting will have been worth it.
I read this to my students today. I'm not even kidding you.
Away from the Waiting Place, there are great adventures to be had. And then...
"And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
When it's time, kid, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
Love you my twin.
Ah. I love this!!! Such great insight! I agree 100%. You are so positive. Way to be!!
When I was pregnant with Michael I wanted him to come so bad. Then I had him and realized how much time I wasted waiting for something that had a clock on it. You don't exactly have a clock but I'm sure you've been told an average waiting time. Don't waste your time! And we should go to dinner :)
Post a Comment