The Thing About Harry Potter

Wherein I explain to you how Harry Potter relates to my current life.

So, as I said before, I've been re-reading all of the Harry Potter books this Summer. Back in May I was in need of a great distraction and we were also in need of a story to listen to on the way to my dad's property, and so it began.

It seems like every time I re-read the series I have different favorites and different least favorites. Different things strike me and different things really speak to me. But, one thing is for sure, I always love them.

This time was no exception. In fact, I think this time I really connected with them more than ever before.

The first few books were delightful as usual. I always love reading the first one because I love reading about Harry discovering the wizarding world for the first time. It's so magical. Pun intended. You're welcome. And I love reading about Harry and Ron becoming friend and then later how they become friends with Hermione. I love meeting so many of the characters I love for the first time. It's just such a sweet beginning and it makes my heart smile.

And then comes the fourth book. The fourth book was the hardest and (much to my surprise) probably my least favorite this time around. I still loved it, of course, but man. The fourth book is hard. It's where things start to really get serious. People start dying. Lord Voldemort comes back. The fun and games are over. We're in the big leagues now. And that sort of thing. Plus, I sort of hate the Triwizard Tournament. It makes me SO anxious.

The fifth book is always my least favorite. However, I was surprised to find that this time around it was actually one of my favorites. This is where the story started to sink deep into my heart, connecting with me, and where re-reading these books turned out to be exactly what I needed. From the wise old age of 25 I've come to appreciate the beauty in all of the terribleness that is the fifth book. Yes it drags. Yes Umbridge is awful. Yes Harry is crazy. But, if we're being honest I've been the craziest over the Summer, so I really connected to crazy Harry. I was just like, "Don't even worry Harry. I totally get it. Sometimes life is really hard and your emotions are right on the edge all of the time and with the slightest disturbance they will explode. I feel ya." We really get each other, crazy Harry and me.

And the sixth book. Oh, the sixth book. It was my favorite and I do believe that it is my actual, true favorite. I love it every time. This is actually a really odd fact, considering how much I love and adore Dumbledore. I always cry when he dies. ALWAYS. Both in the book and the movie. So, that part is awful, but the rest of it...oh it's just grand. I read the first two chapters this time and I was like, "This one is my favorite!" I loved it so much, in fact, that I stayed up until four in the morning finishing it one night. I haven't stayed up until four in the morning since....I don't even know when. Maybe since my days as a student? I love chapter 2, Spinner's End, even though its fairly creepy. I just like the way it flows and how it sounds. And Dumbledore just keeps getting more awesome.  And everything in it is just really great.

Let us take a moment to appreciate how beautiful chapter twenty-three, Horcruxes, is. I cried. It's just the best. It's a beautiful description of the power of love.

..."Yes, you have," said Dumbledore firmly. "You have a power that
Voldemort has never had. You can --"
"I know!" said Harry impatiently. "I can love!" It was only with difficulty
that he stopped himself adding, "Big deal!"...
...It is essential that you understand this!" said Dumbledore, standing up
and striding about the room, his glittering robes swooshing in his wake;
Harry had never seen him so agitated. "By attempting to kill you, Voldemort
himself singled out the remark-able person who sits here in front of me, and
gave him the tools for the job! It is Voldemort's fault that you were able to
see into his thoughts, his ambitions, that you even understand the snakelike
language in which he gives orders, and yet, Harry, despite your privileged
insight into Voldemort's world (which, incidentally, is a gift any Death Eater
would kill to have), you have never been se-duced by the Dark Arts, never,
even for a second, shown the slight-est desire to become one of Voldemort's
followers!"
"Of course I haven't!" said Harry indignantly. "He killed my mum and
dad!"
"You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!" said Dum-bledore
loudly. "The only protection that can possibly work against the lure of power
like Voldemort's! In spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the
suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of
eleven, when you stared into a mir-ror that reflected your heart's desire, and
it showed you only the way to thwart Lord Voldemort, and not immortality
or riches. Harry, have you any idea how few wizards could have seen what
you saw in that mirror?

"Voldemort should have known then what he was

dealing with, but he did not! But he knows it now. You have flitted into Lord
Voldemort's mind without damage to yourself, but he cannot possess you
with-out enduring mortal agony, as he discovered in the Ministry. I do not
think he understands why, Harry, but then, he was in such a hurry to mutilate
his own soul, he never paused to understand the incomparable power of a
soul that is untarnished and whole."...
...But he understood at last what Dumbledore had been trying to tell him. It

was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face

a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high.

Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the

two ways, but Dumble-dore knew -- and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush

of fierce pride, and so did my parents -- that there was all the difference in

he world.

The incomparable power of a soul that is untarnished and whole. I love that. The power of a soul that is full of love and filled with the desire to do good.
One of my favorite things about the Harry Potter books are the characters. I love so many of them. I love how different they all are, but also how truly good so many of them are. I've come to find lately just how wonderful it is to love and to be loved. When in trying times there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that there are people who truly care for you, who are routing you on. There's something truly wonderful about having people that love and know you well enough to know exactly how to help you when you're down. There is nothing that protects you more from letting trying times get the best of you than those you love. Love is truly our greatest protection from choosing the light over the dark. It's also the way that we can continue to see the light even when we are enduring dark times. Love and the faith that from great acts of love good things will happen, that is the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to death and walking into the arena with your head held high. For me having faith in the love of my Savior and having loved ones around me to give me strength is that difference. Faith in knowing that because He loves me He will always direct me to the best path. How you endure things and what you choose to gain from them is everything. It's never about what you endure, but how you endure. It's so hard for me to remember that sometimes and I definitely don't always endure things well, but what a great reminder of one of the loveliest of truths. 

And, doesn't the seventh book frustrate you? It always frustrates me. But, this time I felt like I understood it more perfectly than every before. It's frustrating in the most perfect of ways. This time in reading the seventh book I didn't bask in the victory of the great battle as I normally do, but I reveled in frustration and hardship of the hunt for the horcruxes and in the victory of finally finding them and figuring everything out. Mainly, I think, because these days I feel rather like I'm in the midst of a hunt for horcruxes. Particularly at the part where they have discovered that the sword of Gryffindor is what they need to kill the horcuxes, but they haven't a clue how to obtain it. During this part Harry, Ron, and Hermione are mad. They're confused. They're...frustrated. They have no idea what they're doing. They have a few things that lead them in the right direction, but for the most part they're lost. Things do not look promising for them. From where they're standing when moving from camp to camp it doesn't seem like there's any possible way they'll ever figure everything out. There are too many road blocks and they feel doomed. They can't figure out why Dumbledore didn't take the time to explain everything for them. 

You guys, this is how it feels sometimes when dealing with the great battle of infertility/adoption. I'm frustrated, confused and lost. I don't understand why I can't know what God's plan for me is or how or when it's going to unfold. I feel like I keep hitting road block after road block. I keep getting set back and no matter how hard I try things often end up feeling pointless and a waste of time. I have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes it feels like building my family is never meant to work out. I might as well be hunting horcuxes with random bits of knowledge, a book of children's tales, an old snitch, and a deluminator. 

But, slowly, but surely, drop by drop, things start to work out for the great trio. They start figuring out that Dumbledore knew exactly what he was doing and he left them certain things for a reason. There was a reason that they needed to figure things out for themselves instead of having him tell them everything. Things worked out better in the end because they had to discover things for themselves. Harry needed time to work out the horcruxes vs hallows battle in order to make the right choice. Dumbledore knew that. He knew Ron would need the deluminator, that he wold always want to come back. They just needed to have faith in Dumbledore and that he had reasons for the way he did things. Having faith in Dumbledore was very hard, I'm sure. Especially since what he left them with was confusing and seemed like only half of what they needed. And because he was a human and imperfect. He had made great mistakes before. But, they knew in their hearts what was right and they continued onward no matter how hard things got.  

How lucky are we to have a Heavenly Father that is perfect and all knowing to put our faith and trust in? How much easier is it knowing that the person I have to put my faith in someone who is all knowing, someone who doesn't make mistakes. Even though things can be hard at times I know that if I put my faith in Him, He will show me the way. I know deep in my heart that I'm on the right path and that there is wisdom in what now appears to be madness. I know that things will unfold and someday I'll understand why things had to happen this way. I know that someday I'll understand why knowledge and understanding of His plan for me weren't given all at once. I'll know why the seemingly useless tools were given. I know I just need to trust Him. I just need to have faith. I need to be brave.

Like a Gryffindor.