Here's the thing:
I LOVE being a mom. I really do. I have always felt like I am pretty mediocre at basically everything I've ever tried (and I don't mean to sound full of myself here), but I feel like being a mom is something I'm really good at. I'm obviously not perfect and I'm not the type of mom that creates tons of crafts, games, learning activities, etc. for my kids. But I do feel like I'm good at nurturing, caring for, connect with, and teaching them. And it really is absolutely my favorite thing I've ever done.
But here's something I've discovered with being a mom:
I can't do it all.
Before I had kids I would always think, "when I'm a stay at home mom my house will be so much cleaner and I will make dinner so much more often."
I've discovered that there's a big difference between the mom/wife I want to be and the mom/wife that I actually have the capability to be.
Now that I'm a stay at home mom my house actually gets cleaned a whole lot less often then when I worked full time. And dinner is way harder to make.
I want to be that mom that makes everything from scratch. I want to be that mom that grows an amazing garden. I want to always have a clean house. I want to be a crafty person that makes pretty things. I want to serve others often. I want to volunteer for causes that I feel really strongly about. I want to learn and read about all sorts of fantastic things.
But I can't.
I feel like there's such a bad stigma with the word "can't". I mean obviously it's really important to be optimistic and to give things your all. But, I also feel like it is ok to admit defeat. It's ok to say no to things sometimes. It's ok to simplify your life. It's ok to admit that you can't do everything you want to. There are so many wonderful things you can do with your life, but you can't do everything. And it's ok. Being a mom has helped me sort out my priorities a little more. I have to decide what things are the most important because I just simply can't do everything that I want to.
Am I alone in feeling this? I don't think so. I see so many who seem to be good at everything. They're house is always clean, they're always making dinner for someone, they're always doing crafts with their kids, etc. But I just have to step back and realize that they're not perfect either. Although, I would like to know their secrets!
I know that these things will get easier as my kids get older and are more independent, but I don't want to wish away these years when they're little. Having little kids is such a special time. A lot of people will tell you that high school is probably the best time of your life, but I think having little kids might be. It's a lot more challenging and a lot more simple, but it's really wonderful. My house is a disaster pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I don't get a chance to change out of my jammies or eat until like 1 in the afternoon. Sometimes it's 7pm and I still haven't been able to start dinner, so we make a little Caesar's run or make waffles or scrambled eggs or something. I think a big part of the problem is that we have way too much stuff that we don't need in a fairly small house. But I can't even think of a time in the future where I'm going to have time to go through all of that stuff and get rid of it.
But I've also discovered that my kids don't care that the house is a mess. They need my attention. And I don't want to look back and wish I would have spent less time ignoring them in order to clean. Not that it's a bad thing to distract your kids every now and then so you can clean and have some sanity, but you know what I mean. When our little guy takes my hands and says, "You Belle, I Beast!" and starts dancing with me and requesting that I sing Tale as Old as Time I'm not going to be like, "Nope, sorry kiddo, I have to do the dishes." Or when Jane is being really snuggly, I'm not going to make her wait until I finish vacuuming. You know? Don't get me wrong, I really like having a clean house. In fact, clutter and mess in my house drive me nuts, which is hard because I'm a naturally a really cluttery and messy person. I'm just seriously at a loss on how to have a clean house at this time in my life.
But anyway, now I'm just rambling.
What about you guys, what are your secrets for having a clean house, making dinner, having time to do extra things, etc?
I LOVE being a mom. I really do. I have always felt like I am pretty mediocre at basically everything I've ever tried (and I don't mean to sound full of myself here), but I feel like being a mom is something I'm really good at. I'm obviously not perfect and I'm not the type of mom that creates tons of crafts, games, learning activities, etc. for my kids. But I do feel like I'm good at nurturing, caring for, connect with, and teaching them. And it really is absolutely my favorite thing I've ever done.
But here's something I've discovered with being a mom:
I can't do it all.
Before I had kids I would always think, "when I'm a stay at home mom my house will be so much cleaner and I will make dinner so much more often."
I've discovered that there's a big difference between the mom/wife I want to be and the mom/wife that I actually have the capability to be.
Now that I'm a stay at home mom my house actually gets cleaned a whole lot less often then when I worked full time. And dinner is way harder to make.
I want to be that mom that makes everything from scratch. I want to be that mom that grows an amazing garden. I want to always have a clean house. I want to be a crafty person that makes pretty things. I want to serve others often. I want to volunteer for causes that I feel really strongly about. I want to learn and read about all sorts of fantastic things.
But I can't.
I feel like there's such a bad stigma with the word "can't". I mean obviously it's really important to be optimistic and to give things your all. But, I also feel like it is ok to admit defeat. It's ok to say no to things sometimes. It's ok to simplify your life. It's ok to admit that you can't do everything you want to. There are so many wonderful things you can do with your life, but you can't do everything. And it's ok. Being a mom has helped me sort out my priorities a little more. I have to decide what things are the most important because I just simply can't do everything that I want to.
Am I alone in feeling this? I don't think so. I see so many who seem to be good at everything. They're house is always clean, they're always making dinner for someone, they're always doing crafts with their kids, etc. But I just have to step back and realize that they're not perfect either. Although, I would like to know their secrets!
I know that these things will get easier as my kids get older and are more independent, but I don't want to wish away these years when they're little. Having little kids is such a special time. A lot of people will tell you that high school is probably the best time of your life, but I think having little kids might be. It's a lot more challenging and a lot more simple, but it's really wonderful. My house is a disaster pretty much all of the time. Sometimes I don't get a chance to change out of my jammies or eat until like 1 in the afternoon. Sometimes it's 7pm and I still haven't been able to start dinner, so we make a little Caesar's run or make waffles or scrambled eggs or something. I think a big part of the problem is that we have way too much stuff that we don't need in a fairly small house. But I can't even think of a time in the future where I'm going to have time to go through all of that stuff and get rid of it.
But I've also discovered that my kids don't care that the house is a mess. They need my attention. And I don't want to look back and wish I would have spent less time ignoring them in order to clean. Not that it's a bad thing to distract your kids every now and then so you can clean and have some sanity, but you know what I mean. When our little guy takes my hands and says, "You Belle, I Beast!" and starts dancing with me and requesting that I sing Tale as Old as Time I'm not going to be like, "Nope, sorry kiddo, I have to do the dishes." Or when Jane is being really snuggly, I'm not going to make her wait until I finish vacuuming. You know? Don't get me wrong, I really like having a clean house. In fact, clutter and mess in my house drive me nuts, which is hard because I'm a naturally a really cluttery and messy person. I'm just seriously at a loss on how to have a clean house at this time in my life.
But anyway, now I'm just rambling.
What about you guys, what are your secrets for having a clean house, making dinner, having time to do extra things, etc?
4 comments:
I think the secret is that if someone is coming over you hurry and clean haha! My house is always a mess too! But I love watching them play and crawling after Nathan, and running after Chase! We still need to come visit you all!! We are so so happy for you!
I love this post and I feel that it echoes so much of what all mommas feel. Keep it up!
Karissa, I look up to you SO much! And this post is amazing. I think most moms are much too hard on themselves. You hit the nail on the head about choosing your priorities and choosing to dance with your little boy and cuddle your baby and not stressing about the dishes. You have to pick your battles, and I would say you are picking the most important ones. Your kids are SO lucky to have you as their mom!! 20 years from now you will not regret that your house wasn't cleaner...you will be SO happy you let it go and spent time with your cute kiddos! :) I hope I can remember your example in a few years!
This is so true! I went through the exact same thoughts about my house being cleaner when I wasn't having to work full time- and it has been proven, that it is indeed messier now and I am more behind on dishes and laundry than before, when I was working!
You are amazing, and so optimistic. I can't imagine taking on 2 kids only a couple months a part. I think it (being finding the balance between cleaning enough and playing/enjoying your kids enough) comes with time and you learn as you go, with one, it is not TOO hard to find time (like when they're napping...) but having 2 at once and not having a break and having to 'figure it all out' would be so hard!! So just give it time and I'm sure you will figure it out. But it sounds like you already have become ok with it! As for a few tips- soups! They are typically easy and you can just throw things in a pot and it cooks itself. Crock pots!! Same thing! Also, there is nothing wrong with simple dinners (like eggs or pizza!)
I admire you :)
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