Isn't it funny how we are taught certain principles when we are younger, but no matter how many times someone tells you something it just doesn't click until you really learn it for yourself?
I have had one of these moments in the past little while with a small and simple truth:
GRATITUDE.
This all began with the genetic translocation that I have you..you know, the one that is most likely going to make it very hard for me to have children. This has been a really big deal for me, especially since I have been married and having children has become an option. It is my greatest and deepest desire. I am sure you know, it is not easy to feel like you can't have you most desire and there's nothing that you can do about it. In fact, facing this trial may be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have also been down the past month or so about not having some really awesome job with my college degree. I have a job that doesn't even require a degree, let alone the one that I have. This didn't bother me at first, but when I saw some of the amazing things that my friends are doing now that they are graduated I started feeling like I have a pretty lame life.
This all comes down to one thing: INGRATITUDE.
The other day the receptionist at my work posted something on our inter-company website. She said that when she was going through a divorce she told her sister that she felt like everyone around her was happily in love, that everyone else had what she wanted. Her sister turned to her and told her that if she had no children then all she would do is look at the happy couples with their children.
This really hit home. How often do I sit during Sacrament meeting and just stare longingly and jealously at the families with their little children on the benches? How often do I think to myself that it's unfair that everyone gets what I want except me. I realized as soon as I read what the receptionist's sister had said I knew what I needed to do. I need to be focusing on what I HAVE instead of dwelling on what I WANT, but do not have.
This beautiful revolution came more into view when I watched General Conference and our dear Prophet, President Monson gave his talk about gratitude.
So, the past few days I have been really trying to focus on being grateful for what I have. I have really tried to see how blessed I am....and do you know what? I am SO happy. The past few days have been a slice of heaven. It's not the kind of happy you get when you get your dream job, it's the kind that is a great joyful peace that fills your entire being. I feel AMAZING. I haven't been this happy in a really long time....maybe ever. I don't want to give the impression that I wasn't happy before...this is untrue. I had been in a bit of a slump for a month or so, but even then I wasn't incredibly sad. For the most part I was loving life and I was a happy person. I am just even more happy right now. I just feel like everything is right. Nothing has changed except I decided to focus on things that I am thankful for. I just know with my whole soul that everything has a time and a place and everything that is suppose to be happening right now are happening and the ones that aren't happening shouldn't be right now. For the first time, in over a year, when I think of the fact that I do not have a child right now I do not get sad. Not even one little bit. Do I still want children? Oh yes, just as much as before. I just know that it's so key that they come at the right time and I am not sad or resentful that the right time is not now. I know that whenever they come will be the right time and I am grateful for that peace and knowledge. I am utterly and completely happy. I feel so whole and new.
I am so blessed and I can't believe that I'm just now realizing exactly how blessed I am.
I have an amazing husband who helps me get through tough times, who laughs with me, who loves me, and who treats me as an equal. I have great family members that love me dearly. I have the most amazing parents. Did you know that when I got married in the temple and they were not able to come in to see me get sealed they did not utter one word of complaint? Not ONE. They just loved and supported me. Both sets of my parents and my in laws let us use their washer and drier and feed us all of the time. I have never ever heard them complain about that either. I have never missed a meal because I didn't have enough food or money to buy food with. Not once. I have always had a roof over my head.
I remember a girl I knew a year or so back; she couldn't pay her rent. If she lost her apartment, she would have nowhere to go. I have never had to feel like that. If I couldn't afford to live and I was putting forth my best efforts I could name a handful of places that I could go. A WHOLE handful. I have the most caring friends in the world. I am part of a wonderful church that teaches me beautiful truths like Gratitude.
I heard a woman by the name of Gianna Jessen once say that suffereing can be beautiful. I love that phrase. I think all to often we forget to see the beauty in suffereing. I have never learned more precious truths than I have when I am in a time of trial and suffering.
I am here to tell you that those simple lessons on gratitude they've been trying to teach us for years are TRUE.
Gratitude is the secret of life,
the key to happiness.
I have had one of these moments in the past little while with a small and simple truth:
GRATITUDE.
This all began with the genetic translocation that I have you..you know, the one that is most likely going to make it very hard for me to have children. This has been a really big deal for me, especially since I have been married and having children has become an option. It is my greatest and deepest desire. I am sure you know, it is not easy to feel like you can't have you most desire and there's nothing that you can do about it. In fact, facing this trial may be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have also been down the past month or so about not having some really awesome job with my college degree. I have a job that doesn't even require a degree, let alone the one that I have. This didn't bother me at first, but when I saw some of the amazing things that my friends are doing now that they are graduated I started feeling like I have a pretty lame life.
This all comes down to one thing: INGRATITUDE.
The other day the receptionist at my work posted something on our inter-company website. She said that when she was going through a divorce she told her sister that she felt like everyone around her was happily in love, that everyone else had what she wanted. Her sister turned to her and told her that if she had no children then all she would do is look at the happy couples with their children.
This really hit home. How often do I sit during Sacrament meeting and just stare longingly and jealously at the families with their little children on the benches? How often do I think to myself that it's unfair that everyone gets what I want except me. I realized as soon as I read what the receptionist's sister had said I knew what I needed to do. I need to be focusing on what I HAVE instead of dwelling on what I WANT, but do not have.
This beautiful revolution came more into view when I watched General Conference and our dear Prophet, President Monson gave his talk about gratitude.
So, the past few days I have been really trying to focus on being grateful for what I have. I have really tried to see how blessed I am....and do you know what? I am SO happy. The past few days have been a slice of heaven. It's not the kind of happy you get when you get your dream job, it's the kind that is a great joyful peace that fills your entire being. I feel AMAZING. I haven't been this happy in a really long time....maybe ever. I don't want to give the impression that I wasn't happy before...this is untrue. I had been in a bit of a slump for a month or so, but even then I wasn't incredibly sad. For the most part I was loving life and I was a happy person. I am just even more happy right now. I just feel like everything is right. Nothing has changed except I decided to focus on things that I am thankful for. I just know with my whole soul that everything has a time and a place and everything that is suppose to be happening right now are happening and the ones that aren't happening shouldn't be right now. For the first time, in over a year, when I think of the fact that I do not have a child right now I do not get sad. Not even one little bit. Do I still want children? Oh yes, just as much as before. I just know that it's so key that they come at the right time and I am not sad or resentful that the right time is not now. I know that whenever they come will be the right time and I am grateful for that peace and knowledge. I am utterly and completely happy. I feel so whole and new.
I am so blessed and I can't believe that I'm just now realizing exactly how blessed I am.
I have an amazing husband who helps me get through tough times, who laughs with me, who loves me, and who treats me as an equal. I have great family members that love me dearly. I have the most amazing parents. Did you know that when I got married in the temple and they were not able to come in to see me get sealed they did not utter one word of complaint? Not ONE. They just loved and supported me. Both sets of my parents and my in laws let us use their washer and drier and feed us all of the time. I have never ever heard them complain about that either. I have never missed a meal because I didn't have enough food or money to buy food with. Not once. I have always had a roof over my head.
I remember a girl I knew a year or so back; she couldn't pay her rent. If she lost her apartment, she would have nowhere to go. I have never had to feel like that. If I couldn't afford to live and I was putting forth my best efforts I could name a handful of places that I could go. A WHOLE handful. I have the most caring friends in the world. I am part of a wonderful church that teaches me beautiful truths like Gratitude.
I heard a woman by the name of Gianna Jessen once say that suffereing can be beautiful. I love that phrase. I think all to often we forget to see the beauty in suffereing. I have never learned more precious truths than I have when I am in a time of trial and suffering.
I am here to tell you that those simple lessons on gratitude they've been trying to teach us for years are TRUE.
Gratitude is the secret of life,
the key to happiness.
5 comments:
Gaa! Karissa!!
I love you.
Thank you for this amazing post. I came close to tears probably 5 times. Whew! At first when I read the title I thought, maybe a book review? Hmmm.. But then I read it and it was so much more. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing your insights and joy! I too am SO blessed, but sometimes I forget it! Thanks for this reminder. I am SO glad you're so full of joy. Love you!!
I know how you feel about being graduated and not quite having the job you anticipated ha ha, but so goes life.
You are so strong, and I admire your resilient faith even through the difficult times. I worry all the time that I will have trouble having kids, not that we have even tried, but I fear when the time comes it will be an issue, because it is such a common occurance. Keep your chin up, I know it must be hard, but the Lord will bless you with children in one form or another, because you will be the best mom, and he wouldn't deny you that opportunity, or his beautiful children who need a good mom the opportunity of growing up in your loving home. Thank you for sharing, and I hope that things continue to look up, and sometimes the secret to things looking up is us looking up from the dirt at our feet and seeing the crystal blue horizon with opportunity looming in its birth (such a cheesey line I know but it came to me and I couldnt resist posting it!)
Oh Karissa!
The more things I read about on your blog and facebook, the more I'm loving you and wondering why we never really got to know each other in high school! I feel we are a lot alike with certain things and only hope we get to know each other better!
attitude is everything! beautiful post
I know we talked a bit about this a few weeks back and have experienced many of the same thoughts and frustrations. I know the "gratitude attitude", while not always easy to remember, was what helps me the most. But I love the way you put things into words. Maybe someday I'll start to write again.
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