I've always felt like I'm fairly average.
I'm not particularly great at much (except sleeping).
But I'm not particularly bad at much (except basically all sports.)
I don't feel like I have many talents and all that jazz.
So I've often had a hard time finding my niche in this world.
But, you know, there's really something about this mom thing.
And I'm definitely not the best mom that ever lived, but I think it's my niche.
Before I had kids I painted this picture in my head of what it would be like to be a stay at home mom and homemaker. You know, I'd make meals from scratch every night, bake the perfect cookies, craft, sew, clean, garden, etc. Because since I was at home I would have SOOOO much time.
And, this might shock you, my life is basically nothing like that picture.
So, it turns out I'm not the best home maker. But I do feel like I'm the best mom for my kids for this time in their lives.
Is that too pompous of a thing for me to say?
The adjustment to being a mom is hard. I was so excited when we first got our little guy! Then a few days go on and that feeling comes. You know the one. That feeling of, "I knew that you didn't get breaks as a mom, but this really is a 24/7 thing and my life has been completely invaded and I'm not so sure I can handle this". But we moved past that and being a foster mom and a mom has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Yes they drive me crazy. Yes I have days where I just wish I had like a half an hour to myself where I didn't have to be in charge of anything. Yes my Coke consumption has gone up considerably.
But hanging out with these kids all day everyday...this is the life. I'm overwhelmed with love and gratitude all of the time. I LOVE playing and being silly with my little guy. I LOVE watching him discover his world. I LOVE seeing Jane smile. I LOVE giving her baths. Etc, you get the picture. I genuinely love to nurture and teach these kiddos. And, I don't know, there's just something about hauling two kids around to run errands, get food, go on outings that just makes me feel like I'm unstoppable and can't be beat. It just really does it for me like nothing else ever has. I feel more accomplished and happier doing this than I ever have doing anything else in my whole life. There is truly nothing else I'd rather be doing. I feel like all of the life lessons I've ever learned, everything I've ever experienced or worked for was to prepare me for this. Throughout my life I've had very specific experiences that have taught me patience, love, gratitude, enjoying the present...all things that really help with this job.
I also love the connection and feeling of unity that I have with other moms. The other day I was at the grocery store and there was another girl with a small baby in the same isle as me. She turned to me to ask how old my baby was and I asked her in return. We exchanged cliche phrases like, "She's so cute!" "Isn't it just the best?!" But for whatever reason I just felt so inexplicably connected to her.
I feel like I came into parenting with a lot of ideas on exactly how I wanted to parent because of things I had learned while getting my degree, while taking foster care training, etc. Those things have helped me gain new ideas and outlooks on different styles of parenting, which I am so grateful for. I love looking around and seeing so many different ways of parenting work beautifully and I notice even more now that I have my own kiddos. I guess that's one of the coolest things about being a mom- every one is unique. We all have our own style and theory for our kids- sometimes it even varies from child to child. I'm just beginning to see the beauty in it all. There's no one right way. We get to use our amazing minds and figure out what we're comfortable with and what works best for us and our kids. I am truly inspired and in awe at the many mothers around me. I have a greater appreciation for all they do and with the grace that they do it with.
Sometimes I still wonder if this is real life. It's the craziest feeling, to chase a dream for so long and then BAM. Just like that, one day it finally happens. This dream reality if mine was well worth the tears and heartache that came before. In fact, I believe that it is because of the pain and heartache that I've been able to enjoy the blessings if being a mother more fully. So, to those of you still waiting, just know that it's worth the wait and I pray for you all of the time.
I'm not particularly great at much (except sleeping).
But I'm not particularly bad at much (except basically all sports.)
I don't feel like I have many talents and all that jazz.
So I've often had a hard time finding my niche in this world.
But, you know, there's really something about this mom thing.
And I'm definitely not the best mom that ever lived, but I think it's my niche.
Before I had kids I painted this picture in my head of what it would be like to be a stay at home mom and homemaker. You know, I'd make meals from scratch every night, bake the perfect cookies, craft, sew, clean, garden, etc. Because since I was at home I would have SOOOO much time.
And, this might shock you, my life is basically nothing like that picture.
So, it turns out I'm not the best home maker. But I do feel like I'm the best mom for my kids for this time in their lives.
Is that too pompous of a thing for me to say?
The adjustment to being a mom is hard. I was so excited when we first got our little guy! Then a few days go on and that feeling comes. You know the one. That feeling of, "I knew that you didn't get breaks as a mom, but this really is a 24/7 thing and my life has been completely invaded and I'm not so sure I can handle this". But we moved past that and being a foster mom and a mom has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Yes they drive me crazy. Yes I have days where I just wish I had like a half an hour to myself where I didn't have to be in charge of anything. Yes my Coke consumption has gone up considerably.
But hanging out with these kids all day everyday...this is the life. I'm overwhelmed with love and gratitude all of the time. I LOVE playing and being silly with my little guy. I LOVE watching him discover his world. I LOVE seeing Jane smile. I LOVE giving her baths. Etc, you get the picture. I genuinely love to nurture and teach these kiddos. And, I don't know, there's just something about hauling two kids around to run errands, get food, go on outings that just makes me feel like I'm unstoppable and can't be beat. It just really does it for me like nothing else ever has. I feel more accomplished and happier doing this than I ever have doing anything else in my whole life. There is truly nothing else I'd rather be doing. I feel like all of the life lessons I've ever learned, everything I've ever experienced or worked for was to prepare me for this. Throughout my life I've had very specific experiences that have taught me patience, love, gratitude, enjoying the present...all things that really help with this job.
I also love the connection and feeling of unity that I have with other moms. The other day I was at the grocery store and there was another girl with a small baby in the same isle as me. She turned to me to ask how old my baby was and I asked her in return. We exchanged cliche phrases like, "She's so cute!" "Isn't it just the best?!" But for whatever reason I just felt so inexplicably connected to her.
I feel like I came into parenting with a lot of ideas on exactly how I wanted to parent because of things I had learned while getting my degree, while taking foster care training, etc. Those things have helped me gain new ideas and outlooks on different styles of parenting, which I am so grateful for. I love looking around and seeing so many different ways of parenting work beautifully and I notice even more now that I have my own kiddos. I guess that's one of the coolest things about being a mom- every one is unique. We all have our own style and theory for our kids- sometimes it even varies from child to child. I'm just beginning to see the beauty in it all. There's no one right way. We get to use our amazing minds and figure out what we're comfortable with and what works best for us and our kids. I am truly inspired and in awe at the many mothers around me. I have a greater appreciation for all they do and with the grace that they do it with.
Sometimes I still wonder if this is real life. It's the craziest feeling, to chase a dream for so long and then BAM. Just like that, one day it finally happens. This dream reality if mine was well worth the tears and heartache that came before. In fact, I believe that it is because of the pain and heartache that I've been able to enjoy the blessings if being a mother more fully. So, to those of you still waiting, just know that it's worth the wait and I pray for you all of the time.
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